Happy Birthday Abby Neal!

Today is Abby's 20th birthday! Abby is one of my very best friends. We have known each other since middle school and to be completely honest I don't know where I would be without her in my life. Abby and I have a very awesome friendship. We have the type of friendship where we tell each other how it is and we don't care if the other one gets made. We tell each other the truth even when we know that it is going to hurt. Abby has been there for me through thick and thin. She went with me this year to say goodbye to a friend. Yes she knew the girl who passed away but she also knew that I couldn't get through it without her. She is such an awesome person. We have always been there for each other. Our senior year of high school we went on a cruise with my family and I am so happy that she could go with me because it was probably one of the best spring breaks ever. She has been there when guys have broken my heart. She has also told me many times when I have been stupid for liking a boy or if I kept going back to a boy she told me that I was stupid and I needed to be done. I would not change a thing about our friendship. So Abby Happy Birthday! I hope that it was a FANTASTIC birthday! I hope that our friendship keeps getting better and better. I hope that we will celebrate many more birthdays together. I also hope we grow up and move away that we will go and see each other. Also you can come visit me and see my children who will call you aunt Abby. Love you girl!

Summer

Yes I know that it is not summer yet, but it is so close to being here. I am so excited for summer! It is going to be such a great time but as the semester nears the end it makes really stop and think about the year that I have had. Have I accomplished the things that I have wanted to? Am I where I want to be in life? Was this year what I thought it was going to be? How did this year go? All these questions have been running through my mind. That and the fact that I am almost done with my second year of college. It feels like I was just going into high school and now you are telling me that I am almost half way done with my college career. I'm not sure how to feel about this after all when college is done it is time to be a grown up and be on my own. YIKES!

As I look at this school year as a whole. It has been okay I guess. Am I where I want to be I guess you could say that. It was definitely a different year. I experienced things that I never thought I would. I joined a sorority which is definitely a plus and is definitely making me the person that I am. However, this year has been a lot harder than I ever thought it would be. There always seemed to be something going on and I probably made things a lot bigger deal than they needed to be. This year was definitely different. I struggled a lot this year with a lot of different things. During the fall I was just done with everything. I was frustrated with everything because me being the drama queen that I am thought that nothing was going my way. My friend passed away and then my best friends from last year and I were not as close as we used to be and I felt like we were never going to be close again. However, a short Christmas break and some talks with some people made me realize that my life isn't as bad as I thought it was. Yes, I had some hard times but I got through them and that's what really counts.

I realized this year that it's not about all the bad times in your life. It's about the fact that you made it through them. You hear people all the time complaining about their lives and everything that is going wrong in it. Believe me I do it too, but have you ever really stopped and really looked at your life at the people that are in your life. The people that are constantly forming you into the person that you are today or are just looking at the situations that you have been put in. Yes, you are going to be put in hard situations and yes sometimes it seems as if there is no light at the end of the tunnel but believe me the people that are put into your lives are there for a reason. They are there to tell you when you are being stupid. They are there when a stupid boy breaks your heart (or if a girl breaks your heart). They are there when someone has passed away in your family. They are there if you need a good laugh. Just remember that no matter what someone is always going to be there for you. You may feel alone at times but just look at all the people that have your back because believe it or not there are more people than you think.

I know that I just gained a whole lot more this year after joining Phi Mu. I know that no matter what my sisters will be there for me when I need them the most. They have already proven it to me. One of the deciding factors that made chose Phi Mu was when my grandma passed away I got a text from one of my friends telling me that the Phi Mu girls were thinking about my family and me on that day. That just blew me away. Most of these girls didn't even know me and they still were there for me. So yes this year may have been hard at times but as I look back on it I am so thankful for this year because it has made me who I am right now and I love who I am right now. Yes I have some things that I need to work on and I am working on those things. I'm not prefect and I know that I never will be. I also know that life is never going to be prefect. We are going to be thrown curve balls but we just have to hit them out of the park and go on with life know that moment in life helped us become who we are.

One Day Without Shoes

Today was TOMS Shoes day without shoes. It was so awesome to see everyone that participated in it. TOMS shoes if you didn't know is obviously a shoe company for every pair you purchase TOMS will give a pair of new shoes to a child in need. I first heard about TOMS through my sister at that point I was a little interested but I was just in high school and really didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. Then last year during my freshmen year of college Blake Mycoski,the founder of TOMS, came and spoke at Ball State. After hearing him talking and him saying that they had internships available I was immediately on board. That was and is my dream job. I want so badly to work for TOMS. Their movement is so awesome. They give shoes to children that can't afford them and because they can't afford shoes they can't go to school. I can't even imagine how hard that would be.

Today however I got a small taste of what they go through. I went barefoot today. I really didn't know if I wanted to do it or not. I like to be clean so for me to walk around campus with no shoes really grossed me out at first but as I thought about it I realized that it's not about me. It is for the children who can't afford shoes that have to walk through way worse conditions than I did today. That is what made me finally decided for sure that I was going barefoot. It was for the children that I hopefully will meet one day! These children have to walk EVERYDAY with no shoes their feet get so dirty and they are very pron to get diseases while walking around. This really pulls at my heart. I really wish that I could know what these children really go through. I only got a taste today and it was definitely hard at first but as the day went on I got more and more used to it. At the end of the day however I don't think that I could do it everyday. My feet hurt and were so dirty by the end the day. My whole body felt gross so I can't even imagine what these children feel like. I love children they have a special place in my heart. So when children on in trouble or need help my heart feels for them and I want to do something for them. This is why I decided to try and get a job at TOMS.

I really want to be a part of the TOMS team someday. I want so badly to go on a shoe drop. I can't even imagine what it would be like to put shoes on children feet so they can go to school and they don't have to worry about getting diseases. I hope and pray that someday I will get to meet these children and put shoes on their feet with the rest of TOMS team. For now I am doing everything possible to help these children and you should to. TOMS are way cute shoes and you should definitely look into getting a pair and find more out about the movement at www.toms.com. check it out and if you feel so inclined buy a shoe, have an event, or just give money because it is definitely going towards a great cause!

LIfe Changes

My sophomore year is coming to a close. I am not really sure how to feel about this especially since it means I am one step closer to becoming an adult. This year has been full of many testing times. I have tried my hardest to get through all of these tests but they are sometimes very difficult to get through. I have heard that sophomore year is the hardest but I never really believe it. However, after the year that I have had I totally believe that sophomore year is the hardest to get through. There have been times where I just want to give up and throw in the towel.

This year definitely did not start how I wanted it to. It started with having to say goodbye to a friend. I can still remember when my mom came into my room while I was packing up to school telling me that my friend was killed in a car accident. This was definitely not the way I thought my school year would start. I still packed up everything to head up to school only having to come home two days later to say my final good bye to a great friend.Once returning to school classes became overwhelming and friendships started to fall apart. I tried to be strong and power through it all but I just felt like I couldn't power through. Christmas break came around and I couldn't have been more excited. Over Christmas break however I learned that my grandma wasn't doing so well. Yet another bump in the road but once again I thought I could power through it especially since I decided that I was going to rush.

I came back from Christmas break and found a sorority that I fell in love with. Once again another bump in the road, my grandma was not doing well and I had to go home. While I was at home she passed away. I knew that it was for the best but it was so hard to see my mom upset. My mom is someone who has always been there for me so for me to her upset killed me. My mom is a great person and I can't even imagine my life without her. She has provided for me and she has always supported me no matter what.

While at home I got a bid from Phi Mu, the sorority that I fell in with. I was so happy this was definitely a high point in this year. When I got back I got to know more of the girls and fell more in love with Phi Mu. As the semester went on things started to look up. Especially with getting a big sis and with initiation. The best thing that has happened to me this semester though is becoming an aunt. I love being an aunt.

Being an aunt is so great. It just sucks that I can't be home to see him and hold him like the rest of my family has. This has definitely been getting to me more than I have realized. I feel as I am failing as an aunt because I am not there to see my nephew. I feel like I am missing him growing up. I know that Ball State is where I need to be but at the same time I just want to run home and not come back. After the this year I have been so tempted to just go home and not come back. There has been so much going on but I realized lately that sometimes all you can do is power through everything and keep my head up. With everything that has happened this year. I have learned that I have to stay positive and no matter what happens to know that I will get though it.

People and Kason Asher

Have you ever had those people who come into your life and you feel like you have known them your whole life? I have felt this a lot recently. I recent joined a sorority and I know that people have their opinions about sororities. I think that if people really took the time and really looked at sororities not just the surface but deeper down they would realize that sororities are not so bad.

Anyways, I was initiated on Saturday and I was so excited! I finally would call the girls that I have gotten to know the past 8 weeks my sisters. We were all going to be one big family. I have loved every minute of being in a sorority. Yes, at times i feel as though I am going to go crazy because of everything I have had to but in the end it will be worth it. It so weird to say this but the girls that I have gotten to know in my sorority I feel as though I have known them my whole life. They are great. I was so blessed to get a GREAT big. She is always there for me and wants to be the best big that she can be. I just hope that I am a good little. The relationships that I have formed will last a lifetime.

I recently became an aunt. Maybe the best day of my life! It was such a great feeling to become an aunt. I never thought that it would feel the way it did. Words cannot describe how I felt that day. Little Kason is so cute and I can honestly say that I love him so much. I never thought I could love someone so fast but I sure love that little guy. I just hope that I can be good aunt and role model because he definitely deserves the best in life. I haven't gotten to spend much time with Kason with school and everything else but I am so excited for the next time I see him. Some days I just want to pack everything up and go home just to see him. He is going to be such a great guy and he has two amazing parents who are going to teach him so many great things. I cannot wait until I can go home again and hold him in my arms because it might be one of the greatest feelings ever!

letting go

Today I went shopping with my mom. As you know I love shopping and most of the time ti can make my day so much better. I know I am what some people call a shopaholic. Ever since I can remember I have loved to go shopping. Most of the time I come home with lots of new things. However, recently I have become a lot more picky and I barely come home with anything. Today was one of those days where I came home with barely nothing. This made me start to think about why I wasn't finding as many things as I used to. Am I growing up? I am just that picky and no one has what I really want? Or have I realized that there are other things in life that are more important than clothes?

I came to the conclusion that it is a mixture of all of these things. I have noticed lately that my style has begun to change and I have started wanting more grown up things. Which is weird for me to say because I really am scared of growing up because I don't know what the future holds for me. I don't know where I will be after I graduate college. I know where I want to be and what I want to be doing but sometimes I wonder if I am dreaming too big. I sometimes have to stop and asks myself if my dreams are really possible. Is it really possible for me to work for TOMS shoes. Lately, I have realized that my dreams aren't all that big. Yes, I will admit that they are big but isn't that we are always taught. That we need to dream big and go for our dreams. I would hate to look back on my life and regret not going after my dreams because I thought they were too big. I have also looked at TOMS shoes a lot more lately their website who they really are and I get so excited about what they are doing and I want so badly to be a part of what they are doing. I know that this means that I will have to grow and let college go eventually. That I will have to let go of the stupid little things that don't matter.

As started to think about letting go of things more things filled my mind. Have you ever held on to something because you thought that it was what was best for you? I am definitely one of those people especially when it comes to my friends. I want so badly to help people and to be friends with people. It is hard for me to let friends go when they hurt me or they don't care about me like I care about them. I don't know what is but my heart is so big and I just care about people so much that when they don't care about me I try even harder for them to care about me and in the end it just ends up getting me hurt. I figured out today that there are just some friendships that I have to let go and stop worrying about because those people may eventually care one day but right now they don't and nothing I do is going to get them to care. So why should I waste my time worrying about them when in the end it just hurts me. Now I am not going to stop caring for these people I am just done trying so hard to get their approval.

People are going to come and go in my life but the important ones will stick around. I have realized lately that there is so much more to my life than just clothes and friends. I have school and family and my sorority and all of the girls that are in that sorority are so important to me. I also have my future and that is the most important thing right now. It is important for me to work at school so in the future I can get the job that I want and I know that if I work on the little things then everything else will fall into place. Another important thing in my life right now is becoming an aunt. I have been home for spring break because I have been waiting for my little nephew to come and as of right now he still isn't here.Yes I am very frustrated with the whole situation right now but I already love that little guy and really just want to hold him and tell him and the rest of the world that I am going to try and be the best aunt that I can be. I know that was a lot but a lot has been going on in my head I guess that's what happens when you come home for spring break and have nothing else to do

werid mood

Have you ever been in a mood and you aren't really sure how to explain it? Have you ever just wanted to stop feeling a certain way but just can't? This has been me for the past couple of weeks. I don't know what it has been. I thought it was stress but now I am on break and still kind feel a certain way. It's only a day into break and I know that this break will be very relaxing. I just hate that I feel this way.

It is just this feeling of what my future holds and what is coming next. And well I don't know the answers to these questions and it sometimes freaks me out. I don't know where my life is going right now. I don't where I will be in the next few years. Who my really close friends will be. It's just crazy to think about. That in a few years my life could be completely different.

I hope that my closest friends don't change that much because I love all of my friends right now so much. I really hope that I will get closer to my sisters because I just love them! I know that they will be in a part of the rest of my life and I am so excited about that! But anyways I just really need this weird mood to go away and I thought blogging would help it. I know that this blog is kind of all over the place but that is how I have been for the past couple weeks.