missing

Do you ever miss something so much that you wish that there was some way that you could get it back but you can't because you don't know what you did in the first place to lose it? That's how I have been feeling lately. I feel like I have lost a lot of things in my life whether they be people or just things that make me feel better. At this point in my life I wish that I had those things that I have lost.

People have come and gone in my life but I never realized how much I would miss them until that point when I really needed them. I have felt as if I have just let people walk out of my life and I haven't put up a fight at all. I have just let them go and now is the time when I need them most. The times where I am feeling down and the times where I am sick and just need a good laugh. The problem is I don't know what I did to lose them. I don't know if we grew apart or if they got tired of me but for some reason they just walked out of my life and I never really questioned it. But now is the time when I need them the most and I don't have them and I miss them...

Crossroads

I feel as though my life is at a crossroads. There are so many things that are going on in my life right now. Some things that I am very excited about and other things that I am not sure how to feel about. There are also many things in my life that could be great but I am trying to be patient and see where God takes those things.

Do you ever feel that way about your life? That you are at a crossroads and you are just waiting for God to pick how it is going to go. I guess you could also pick how it is going to go but I would rather leave it up to God. My life right now is not a hot mess but I would not say that I have everything together. I started this semester with not the highest hopes. However, when the first day of classes was done I felt really good about the semester and as it continues I feel better and better about it. I don't dread going to any of my classes.

I feel as though crossroads could change your life. I definitely think that things are about to change but they are definitely going to be for the better. With the passing of my grandma I have realized how important life is. How short it really is. At the service today the preacher said to live everyday like it is you last because eventually you will be right. That hit me hard. I have always thought about living everyday to the fullest because you never know when it is going to be your last. I guess that I never really thought that one of these days it is going to be my last. I want to do so much with my life. I don't want to just sit around and do nothing I want to leave a mark on this world. At the Passion conference one of the speakers said that we are writing our eulogy. Everyday that you are alive you are doing the things that people are going to say about you at your funeral. I don't know but I want the people at my funeral to say great things about me and not say that all she did was work her life away. I want them to say she was an influence on my life. I want to make a difference in this world.

One of these differences is working for TOMS shoes. I know that it is a big dream but it would be such a great opportunity. A lot of times I wonder if I am going into the right major because you hear that people in marketing and the fashion world just tell people what is wrong with them and I definitely do not want to be one of those people. Fashion is definitely a big part of my life. Working for TOMS shoe would definitely be working in the fashion world while helping children in other countries. I love what TOMS shoes does and I would love to be a part of that.

I am definitely at a crossroads in my life but I am definitely looking forward to what the future holds. I know that these changes that are about to come in my life are going to be great.

Hot Mess

I'm not really sure what this blog is going to be about, but these past couple of days have been rough and I felt the need to blog. I felt like there was so much going on in my mind that I had to get it out or I was going to lose a lot of sleep over it. Have you ever had those times in your life where there is just so much on your mind that you just wish you could sort it all out but your mind is going a lot faster than you can process. That's how my mind has been for the past couple of days. Early Monday morning my grandma passed away. I was so thankful that I was able to go home and say goodbye to her before she passed. It was definitely not easy to say goodbye to her. After all she has taught me so many things in my life. This got me to thinking about how much we actually learn from our families and the people around us.

You are influence everyday by so many different people and things. The person that you are today is because of the people that have been in your life. Even if it were for a short period of time. The people that influence you the most are the people that stay in you life for the longest time like your family. I know that some people don't really like their families or their families just don't get along but think about where you would be if they were not in your life. You would be a totally and completely different person. Isn't that crazy to think about that people can have that much of an impact on your life. The person that you are right now is because of the people that are in your life right now or the people that have been in your life. It makes you wonder how much of you is really just you and no one else. The words that you use are influenced by people as well. You might say things because you heard your friend say it so many times that it finally just got stuck in your head and you started to use it.

This whole impacting people's lives made me wonder how am I impact people's lives. Am I impacting their lives to make them better or am I pulling them down? Am I teaching people things that will make them chase after their dreams and not to give up hope when things seem to be bad? I wonder how I am impacting people's lives. I hope that I am impacting people's lives for the better. I hope that I am not bringing people down but instead lifting them up.

There are so many people in this world and wouldn't it be so cool if you could just impact one person's life for the better. If you could just love on them and let them know that you are there for them and teach them the things that they need to know and that they would listen to you and look up to you. Now I know that it seems like a simple task but in today's society it seems to me that people are more invested in themselves than other people. I am not saying that I am this selfless person because I am definitely not. I have my selfish moments. They tend to happen more than I would like but how cool would it be to take all those selfish moments and turn them into moments where you are investing in another person. Someone that you truly care about and someone that will care about you back. This is the type of aunt I want to be when my little nephew comes along. I want to be an aunt that he can come to and tell me things about his life not just the things that happened at school that day but to tell me what is going on in his life. I want to truly be invested in his life and to make an impact in his life. I want him to look back and say I learned a lot from my aunt just like I look back now and see how much I have learned from my grandma.

Back To School

Today was the first day of classes. It is crazy to think that winter break is already over and I am starting my second semester of my sophomore year. I cannot believe how fast it is all going. Today was not a bad day at all. I only had two classes and I was done by noon so that was so GREAT. Going into this semester I was hoping that it would be a lot easier than last semester because last semester was just not good and I do not think I can go through that again. Driving back to school yesterday was very interesting because I had a lot of time to think about things because I mean it was an hour and half drive by myself what else am I going to do. I was very nervous about coming back because when I left I was so happy to leave because I knew that winter break would hold three whole weeks of no stress and just relaxing. Winter break was just that but as I started to drive back I became worried that this semester was going to be just like last semester and that is something that I definitely did not want. I then thought to myself that this semester could not be as bad as last semester because so many different things happened last semester that I am determined to not let happen this semester even though somethings are out of my hands. I really want to try and prevent the things that I can.

As today started I got up and started to get ready to head to my first class I was some what nervous but not really because it is after all the first day of classes and all every teacher does is talk about the class. So I headed out to my first class not really worried about anything and just telling myself that I was going to just go with the flow and not let what the teachers say get me stressed out already. My classes went by fast and while one of my teachers did start to teach today it did not really stress me out. After finishing my classes I felt pretty good about the semester and I can definitely tell now that this semester will be a whole lot better than last semester. There are just so many different things about this semester. I am really not the same person I was last semester there are a lot of things that I am looking forward to. There are things that I cannot wait to see what happens. I am going to be an aunt which makes me very excited. It also makes me realize that soon I will have a little boy that will look up to me and I want to be the best aunt that I can be and not always be known as the aunt that is stressed out and too busy to spend anytime with their nephew. This semester holds a lot of potential and I cannot wait to see how it all plays out.

A New Year and New Beginnings

It's a new year and most people at the end of the year make new years resolutions that they usually do not end up keeping. So I do not really believe in making resolutions because why does it have to be at the end of the year that you make goals for yourself why can't you make goals for yourself everyday. 2010 was definitely a rough year for me. Not to say that it did not have it good times but as I was driving home from new years my friend and I were talking about everything that had happened in 2010 and how hard the semester was that we had just finished was. We said that this year was going to be different that this year was going to be a GREAT year..and you know what I truly believe that this year is going to be a GREAT year.

I was ready to say goodbye to 2010 because so many different things happened that I just wanted to forget about. In 2010 I did not feel like myself I felt like I was living my life as someone completely different. Someone that I really didn't know. I felt like I just kept watching myself do these things but I did not understand why I was doing them. I thought that maybe that the person that I was in 2010 was who I was going to be. This to me was a scary thing. I was not the person that I wanted to be and no matter how much I tried to fix it I felt like I was digging myself a deeper hole. It felt like everything I did was not right and that anything that I did would just make things worse. So when new years came I was very excited because I thought this is my chance to change things. I know that I said I don't really believe in resolutions and I will stand by that but January 1st I headed to Passion in Atlanta with 22,000 other college students.

Passion is what really changed me. I learned so much from Passion. It was one of the greatest conferences that I have ever been to. I learned that the God of the universe is praying for me. Me who has screwed up so many times. Me who has turned away from God so many different times because I thought at the time the other thing that I wanted to do was more important than God. I was feeding my appetite. I was thinking only about myself. I was thinking about what I could do to make myself look better to the world. I let the world tell me who I was and who I was going to be. I let my past define who I was. At Passion I learned that I could leave all that behind that I could be whoever I wanted to be and God would accept me. That even when the world turns it back on me I still have one person on my side. My faith is definitely still not at all where I want it to be but I know that it will take time and that in time I will be exactly who God wants me to be and he has great plans for me and I don't want to screw that up just because I want to be selfish. I want to glorify the God of the universe. I don't want my faith to be all about me. I don't want it to be me running to God every time I am in a bad situation and then forgetting about him when things are going great. I want to live everyday for him. I know that this won't be easy because of the world that we live in and the school that I go to but I am willing to do this because I want what is best for me.

So here is to 2011...it is going to be a GREAT year! I can just feel it. There are going to be a lot of changes in 2011. I will become an aunt. I will finish my second year of college. I will become who God wants me to be. All of these things will make 2011 a GREAT year no matter what else happens because I will have God on my side.

If Today Was Your Last Day..

If today was your last day how would you spend it? Would you spend it being mad at someone for something stupid that they did? Would you be selfish and just do the things that you wanted to do and not the things that you're friends wanted to do? Would you spend it laying in bed because some boy upset you? If today was you last day how would you spend it?

This has been the question that has been going through my mind this whole break. Yesterday was my friend's birthday that passed away in August it was a hard day to get through but at the same time it gave me some perspective on my life. If today was my last day I would not spend it mad at someone for some stupid reason because that would be a waste of my time because for all I know today could be their last day too. Some people don't think that a day an hour or even a few minutes can really change your life but I believe that even a few seconds can change your entire life. So why would you spend even a second being mad at someone for something stupid even if it is not something stupid why would you continue to be mad at them.

I also would not spend my last day all to my self, doing just the things that I want to do. I would want to spend my day with my friends and family doing what they wanted to do because that is what would make them happy which in the end should make me happy.I would not want to be selfish if today was my last day. I would want to be happy and be able to tell people how I really felt and not just put on a face for people because in the end where does that really get you.

I cannot even imagine spending the day just laying in bed because some boy had made me upset so I did not feel like doing anything that whole day. I would go and hang out with my friend and try and get over the fact that the boy had upset me. I would also want to hang out with my friends because it could be the last time that I would get to see them. My friends are very important in my life they are what gets me through most days. Without them I would be so lost. So to give up time with them just because of a boy would just be stupid and I would regret it everyday after I did it. Especially if the friends that I had the chance to hang out were gone the next day or the next year.

The way I want to spend everyday is as if it were my last. I want to be happy. I want to not worry about the little things that I know will eventually work their way out. I don't want to spend it mad at the people that I love. I want to smile as much as I can. I want to spend everyday as if it were my last and as though it could be my friends last day as well. So if you get a chance to hang out with an old friend then hang out with them because you never know what is going to happen to you or them.

Christmas Spirt

As I sit here listening to Faith Hill's where are you Christmas it makes me stop and think about what Christmas is really about it. This year it just doesn't feel like it has been Christmas time since I have gotten home from school. I don't know why but for some reason I just can't seem to get into the Christmas spirit. It's weird to me because Christmas is my favorite holiday. It is a time where I get to spend time with my family. It is a time to reflect back on the year that you have had and at the end of it all you can basically start anew. This year it has been hard for me to really reflect on my year and see where it has been and where it is going because at this point in my life I am not really sure where my life is going. It has also been a hard time because as I think about the year that I have had it just makes all these different memories come up of different people who have come in to my life and then they end up leaving. It makes me wonder what happened.What made them leave. The biggest thing on my mind lately is definitely Christmas but not about the presents or Santa Clause but what Christmas has become.

Christmas started because of Christ birth. It started as a celebration for the world. Christ came into this world to give all of us another chance. I look around and all I see is people going out and shopping and trying their hardest to get the latest and greatest things for the children or for their family members. Since when did Christmas become about just presents. Since when did Christmas started to stress people out and to make them rude to the people around them. That to me does not sound like Christmas at all. I don't even know what that sounds like. It almost like we were given this amazing gift but we want to be these spoiled little brats and we want something that is better. What is better than getting another chance because of Christ's birth? I am not saying that I always think about this because honestly I don't. It hardly crosses my mind at Christmas time. It usually all about the presents and what new things that I can get. It really is never about me being given the greatest gift of all already. It always what can I get that was better than last year or what can I get that is better than the things that I already have? That's not how my mind or anyone's mind should work.

A friend of mine reminded me of something that is very important. Some people in this world don't get to get presents on Christmas because their families can't afford it. I sometimes forget that. That there are people out there that are way worse off than I am or than I ever will be. At Christmas time I think that we become so consumed by the holiday itself that we forget the true meaning of Christmas we forget what it really is all about. The reason why the holiday even exist in the first place. Instead we are so concerned with the present and the decorations that we totally look over the fact that none of that matters in the end. The presents will get old the decorations will be taken down and then what are you left with? But if we remember the true meaning of Christmas then when the presents get old and the decorations are taken down we have something that is pretty amazing still left. Something that gives us a second chance at this whole life thing.

We need to stop caring about the presents and the decorations and focus on what is really important at Christmas time. It is a time that we get to see our families that we haven't seen in a while. It is a time to just relax and have a good time. It is a time to remember and celebrate the birth of Jesus. I think sometimes everyone needs to be reminded of this. While it has been hard for me to get into the Christmas spirit this year I know when tomorrow comes that spirit with come right along with it.