letting go

Today I went shopping with my mom. As you know I love shopping and most of the time ti can make my day so much better. I know I am what some people call a shopaholic. Ever since I can remember I have loved to go shopping. Most of the time I come home with lots of new things. However, recently I have become a lot more picky and I barely come home with anything. Today was one of those days where I came home with barely nothing. This made me start to think about why I wasn't finding as many things as I used to. Am I growing up? I am just that picky and no one has what I really want? Or have I realized that there are other things in life that are more important than clothes?

I came to the conclusion that it is a mixture of all of these things. I have noticed lately that my style has begun to change and I have started wanting more grown up things. Which is weird for me to say because I really am scared of growing up because I don't know what the future holds for me. I don't know where I will be after I graduate college. I know where I want to be and what I want to be doing but sometimes I wonder if I am dreaming too big. I sometimes have to stop and asks myself if my dreams are really possible. Is it really possible for me to work for TOMS shoes. Lately, I have realized that my dreams aren't all that big. Yes, I will admit that they are big but isn't that we are always taught. That we need to dream big and go for our dreams. I would hate to look back on my life and regret not going after my dreams because I thought they were too big. I have also looked at TOMS shoes a lot more lately their website who they really are and I get so excited about what they are doing and I want so badly to be a part of what they are doing. I know that this means that I will have to grow and let college go eventually. That I will have to let go of the stupid little things that don't matter.

As started to think about letting go of things more things filled my mind. Have you ever held on to something because you thought that it was what was best for you? I am definitely one of those people especially when it comes to my friends. I want so badly to help people and to be friends with people. It is hard for me to let friends go when they hurt me or they don't care about me like I care about them. I don't know what is but my heart is so big and I just care about people so much that when they don't care about me I try even harder for them to care about me and in the end it just ends up getting me hurt. I figured out today that there are just some friendships that I have to let go and stop worrying about because those people may eventually care one day but right now they don't and nothing I do is going to get them to care. So why should I waste my time worrying about them when in the end it just hurts me. Now I am not going to stop caring for these people I am just done trying so hard to get their approval.

People are going to come and go in my life but the important ones will stick around. I have realized lately that there is so much more to my life than just clothes and friends. I have school and family and my sorority and all of the girls that are in that sorority are so important to me. I also have my future and that is the most important thing right now. It is important for me to work at school so in the future I can get the job that I want and I know that if I work on the little things then everything else will fall into place. Another important thing in my life right now is becoming an aunt. I have been home for spring break because I have been waiting for my little nephew to come and as of right now he still isn't here.Yes I am very frustrated with the whole situation right now but I already love that little guy and really just want to hold him and tell him and the rest of the world that I am going to try and be the best aunt that I can be. I know that was a lot but a lot has been going on in my head I guess that's what happens when you come home for spring break and have nothing else to do