Weekends

This past weekend was the last weekend that I have before I start work. I start nannying tomorrow. I am having mixed feelings about this. I love nannying because the kids that i nanny for are great.On the other hand it means getting up and having to be on the go all day. I have been looking forward to starting to nanny again for a while but as it draws closer I don't know how am going to make it through tomorrow. There will definitely have to be some coffee tomorrow morning as I head out to what is going to be a very busy day.

I thought that this weekend would be a good weekend as my friends were graduating and I just had time to spend with people I haven't seen in a while. I spend most of Friday with my sister helping her moving her things from her old school to her new school. I loved this part of the day because I cannot remember the last time I really spend that much time with my sister. However I could not help but think about what I was going to do when I got back into town. I was going to see my friend in the hospital. If you know me at all I hate hospitals. They are just so sad and my heart just breaks for the people that have to be in there. Well I got back from helping my sister and it was off to the hospital with two of my other friends. The whole way there I was trying to prepare myself for what I was about to encounter. We finally got to the hospital and I thought I was going to be fine. However I walked into the hospital room and saw my friend and it took all of me to not just break down and cry right there. While my friend still acted kind of like himself I could tell that he was in pain and I hate it. The car ride home we were all pretty quite as we all seemed to have a lot on our minds. On the car ride home I just remember just looking out the window and thinking about how lucky I am to be healthy and fine but at the same time I realized that I could have been in that hospital bed just like my friend was. I sometimes feel as though I am unstoppable and nothing can touch me. When I saw my friend I realized that I was not unstoppable and things could hurt me.

After Friday I was ready for something to cheer me up. Saturday morning I went to my high school's graduation. As I sat there watching the graduation I couldn't believe that a year had already passed. I reflected on all that had happened over the past year and how much things had changed. Things were definitely not the same as they were a year ago. Many things had changed. I knew that things were going to change after I went to college but I didn't think they would change as much as they did. Saturday night I just sat outside with one of my friends talking about how much things had changed and how much more they were going to change over the next three years. Right there I decided that it was time for me to accept things that I cannot change. If I didn't then I would constantly be unhappy with the way things were. I also noticed how some of the people I used to be close to I am not even friends with anymore. This made me think about where things went wrong. As thought about it I realized that nothing really happened we just went our separate ways and we went out to find who we really are and if that meant growing apart then than it was for the best.

Finally Sunday came and I couldn't believe how fast my weekend had gone by so fast. I only had one open house to go on Sunday so I spent my day laying out. It was then time for the open house and it was great because I got to hang out with one of my friends that I haven't seen since I left for school. Then Sunday night came and I decided to have a bonfire at my house. It was really good at first but then one of my friends who said they were coming didn't show up so I was really bummed out about that and it kind of just took over the rest of night. It made me think about what people are really important in my life and who really wants me in their life. So to say the least this weekend was definitely not what I expected at all but it has definitely made me want to start my nannying soon!

random thought

I have I recently started reading the book Crazy Love. The reason i started reading this book was first because my bible study leaders told us that a good way to stay close to God was to read a book like this. The second reason is because I have always wanted to read this book I heard about a year ago and then other people have told about how good it is and it will really make you think. So I went out and bought the other day and really just left at that point. I really did not have the motivation to start reading it or anything like that but then as it sat on my desk I would look at everyday and say to myself I really need to start reading. So the book finally got to me and picked it up off my desk and started to read and it within the first couple of pages I was hooked. I was just so moved by what the author was saying to me. I had heard what he was saying before but it hit me in a new way. The thing that I like about the book is that he challenges you to think and he also has videos that go with some of the points that he is trying to make. So as I am reading I come across a part where he tells you to go and watch this video and the video is called juststopandthinkaboutit. It talked about a lot of different things but thing that hit me the most is when he was talking about judging people. I tend to judge people just like everyone else but this he really made me think about how I do really judge people. I will sometimes look at someone and be like well at least I am not as bad as them and said that in the video that we don't have that right and that we are just as bad as them. That really hit me that I need to take a step back and look at myself before I stand there and judge other people. I also realized that God is the only that has right to judge people and he still doesn't he loves everyone no matter what they have done! I know this was random but it was just something that was on my mind.

Things to come

Since the time that I have been home I have a lot of time to think. I am a person who thinks a lot and sometimes it can be a good thing because I get a lot of things figured out and other times I over think things and then I worry. If you know me I worry about the littlest things. One of the things that really freaks me out whenever I think about it is the future. I hate thinking about the future because I do not have any control over it and I don't know what is going to happen. I am a person who loves to be in control and know what is coming. If you have seen my room and have seen my calendar I have most everything planned out for the day and I know exactly what I am doing. Now that is not to say that I don't like to do random things because I do but when it comes down to things that I need to get done I make sure to get them done and I have a plan on exactly how to get them done. However that is not the point.The point is that the future freaks me out. I worry about what exactly I am going to do when I get out of college. I want to be a buyer but I freak out that I won't get a job or I won't get the job that I want. I also worry about who I am going to marry and where I am going to live. However recently when I think about the future it doesn't freak me out as much anymore. I have realized that I like not having control of my future. I like that God knows exactly what is going to happen. I like the surprises that each day holds because I don't know what is going to happen next. I also know that things will fall into place when the time is right. That things will happen when I am mature enough and ready for them to happen and I am totally ok with this. Now if you would have asked me this a year ago I would freak out and be very worried and go into panic mode. I would have tried to figure out how exactly to get where I want to get no matter what I had to do to get there. But now I am better and I don't stress about the future as much now that is not to say I still don't stress out about it because believe me I do but I have just realized how to handle it better.

where has the time gone?

As I sit here in my room at home looking around at all the old pictures that I have but when in reality they really aren’t that old they were just a year ago. I cannot believe that I graduated a year ago it just seems crazy to me. As sit here writing this there are many things that are going through my head. I am wonder about where the time has gone. It seems like yesterday I was packing up the van for move in day and now it is the end of my freshmen year. Wow has the time has flown. As I sit here and wonder about how the time as flown it also makes me think about if I have truly lived my life to the fullest if I have taken things for granted. And after thinking about it I have realized that I do take a lot of things for granted. I take my family for granted a lot of times. I have been blessed with a great family but sometimes I do not realize that or sometimes I find myself complaining about the little things in life and not realizing that there are people out there that have it a lot worse than me. I need to realize that I am blessed that I get to live each and every day. I am blessed that I can wake up every morning and not have to worry about where my next meal is coming from or how I am going to make it through the day. Granted I do wake up some mornings and don’t know how I am going to make it through the day. But recently I have realized that I don’t really have the right to think that because I live comfortably and I really don’t have a lot of things to worry about. As I sit here I wonder what the summer and the future holds for me. As of right now I hope the summer is full of adventure with great friends. I hope that it is a summer to remember. I know one thing is for sure once summer really starts it will be busy and I don’t know if I am ready for that. Sometimes I wish that things would slow down but then I realize that it’s not the things around me that need to slow down but it’s me who needs to slow down. I make myself busy not anyone else. I decide what I am going to do and I also decide where my life is going. I am a very controlling person so you would think that I would like this.However, I do not like this kind of control because it is me who is making myself busy no one else. So when I say that I am busy I have no one but myself to blame. Now I am not complaining about being busy because most of the time it is nice to keep things going and be doing things. However some of the time I just want it all to stop.So this summer I hope will be an adventure but I also hope that there will be a lot of me time. Not the kind of me time where I am selfish but a me time where I can just be myself and reflect on the day. Time where I can spend thinking about my day to see if I have really truly lived that day or if I kind of just did whatever because that is what everyone else was doing. I am excited for what the summer has in store for. There are tons of other things that are going through my head at this point but nothing that you would really want to hear about. The biggest thing is where has the time gone? and did I really make the most of everyday.

Going Home...

Tomorrow is the day!It is the day that I say goodbye to Ball State for the summer and say hello to the summer at home. I sit at my desk for one of the last times I have mixed feelings about all of this. I am sad to say goodbye to a great year. It's hard to say goodbye to friends that you have only known for a year but feel like you have known them all your life. It is also hard to say goodbye to my freshmen of college because that means one step closer to be out in the real world. I don't know how I feel about this. Don't get me wrong I am ready to be done with school but I don't feel as though I am ready for the real world yet. I still have a hard time believing that I am going to be 20 this year. It hard for me to grow up because I have enjoyed being a kid. I mean who doesn't. Kids are so care free and love to have fun. I know that I need to grow up because it is a part of life but it is scary at times because it is a big responsibility. Saying goodbye to Ball State tomorrow will be a good and a bad feeling.
I am looking forward to a great summer with great friends that I haven't gotten to see in a while. A summer of just relaxing and not having to worry about a lot. I am ready to just hang out and not worry if I have a paper or a test the next day. I am ready to see my two best friends from back home. I'm just ready to be home. Home is where I grew up. It's where I became the person that I am today. It is where my family is. Home is where my faith first started to grow. Home is my safe place and I can't wait to get back to that.


As tomorrow draws closer I can't help but get excited. Tomorrow holds new adventures for me. It holds another chapter in my life. It holds so much potential. But then again I don't really know what tomorrow holds. It will be a great day I am sure. One that I will remember as it is the day that I moved back home from my freshmen year of college at Ball State.

About me

My name is Stacey. I am finishing my freshmen year at Ball State University. I have a great family that I am really missing right now. My family is a big part of my life without them I would not be the person I am today. I am a Christian and I am trying my hardest to live everyday for him. I have great friends in my life and I do not know where I would be without them.When I get done with college I hope to become a buyer for a clothing company that would be my dream job but for right now I am just living my life day by day. I try to live everyday to the fullest and take every chance I get because I never know what will happen tomorrow. Here our a few pictures from this year.



This is my roommate and I at the beginning of the year


These our two of my best friends at school. I love them so much and I will miss them dearly this summer!


This is the group of friends I went with on Spring Break to Ponte Vedra Beach


This is my family at my graduation