If Today Was Your Last Day..

If today was your last day how would you spend it? Would you spend it being mad at someone for something stupid that they did? Would you be selfish and just do the things that you wanted to do and not the things that you're friends wanted to do? Would you spend it laying in bed because some boy upset you? If today was you last day how would you spend it?

This has been the question that has been going through my mind this whole break. Yesterday was my friend's birthday that passed away in August it was a hard day to get through but at the same time it gave me some perspective on my life. If today was my last day I would not spend it mad at someone for some stupid reason because that would be a waste of my time because for all I know today could be their last day too. Some people don't think that a day an hour or even a few minutes can really change your life but I believe that even a few seconds can change your entire life. So why would you spend even a second being mad at someone for something stupid even if it is not something stupid why would you continue to be mad at them.

I also would not spend my last day all to my self, doing just the things that I want to do. I would want to spend my day with my friends and family doing what they wanted to do because that is what would make them happy which in the end should make me happy.I would not want to be selfish if today was my last day. I would want to be happy and be able to tell people how I really felt and not just put on a face for people because in the end where does that really get you.

I cannot even imagine spending the day just laying in bed because some boy had made me upset so I did not feel like doing anything that whole day. I would go and hang out with my friend and try and get over the fact that the boy had upset me. I would also want to hang out with my friends because it could be the last time that I would get to see them. My friends are very important in my life they are what gets me through most days. Without them I would be so lost. So to give up time with them just because of a boy would just be stupid and I would regret it everyday after I did it. Especially if the friends that I had the chance to hang out were gone the next day or the next year.

The way I want to spend everyday is as if it were my last. I want to be happy. I want to not worry about the little things that I know will eventually work their way out. I don't want to spend it mad at the people that I love. I want to smile as much as I can. I want to spend everyday as if it were my last and as though it could be my friends last day as well. So if you get a chance to hang out with an old friend then hang out with them because you never know what is going to happen to you or them.

Christmas Spirt

As I sit here listening to Faith Hill's where are you Christmas it makes me stop and think about what Christmas is really about it. This year it just doesn't feel like it has been Christmas time since I have gotten home from school. I don't know why but for some reason I just can't seem to get into the Christmas spirit. It's weird to me because Christmas is my favorite holiday. It is a time where I get to spend time with my family. It is a time to reflect back on the year that you have had and at the end of it all you can basically start anew. This year it has been hard for me to really reflect on my year and see where it has been and where it is going because at this point in my life I am not really sure where my life is going. It has also been a hard time because as I think about the year that I have had it just makes all these different memories come up of different people who have come in to my life and then they end up leaving. It makes me wonder what happened.What made them leave. The biggest thing on my mind lately is definitely Christmas but not about the presents or Santa Clause but what Christmas has become.

Christmas started because of Christ birth. It started as a celebration for the world. Christ came into this world to give all of us another chance. I look around and all I see is people going out and shopping and trying their hardest to get the latest and greatest things for the children or for their family members. Since when did Christmas become about just presents. Since when did Christmas started to stress people out and to make them rude to the people around them. That to me does not sound like Christmas at all. I don't even know what that sounds like. It almost like we were given this amazing gift but we want to be these spoiled little brats and we want something that is better. What is better than getting another chance because of Christ's birth? I am not saying that I always think about this because honestly I don't. It hardly crosses my mind at Christmas time. It usually all about the presents and what new things that I can get. It really is never about me being given the greatest gift of all already. It always what can I get that was better than last year or what can I get that is better than the things that I already have? That's not how my mind or anyone's mind should work.

A friend of mine reminded me of something that is very important. Some people in this world don't get to get presents on Christmas because their families can't afford it. I sometimes forget that. That there are people out there that are way worse off than I am or than I ever will be. At Christmas time I think that we become so consumed by the holiday itself that we forget the true meaning of Christmas we forget what it really is all about. The reason why the holiday even exist in the first place. Instead we are so concerned with the present and the decorations that we totally look over the fact that none of that matters in the end. The presents will get old the decorations will be taken down and then what are you left with? But if we remember the true meaning of Christmas then when the presents get old and the decorations are taken down we have something that is pretty amazing still left. Something that gives us a second chance at this whole life thing.

We need to stop caring about the presents and the decorations and focus on what is really important at Christmas time. It is a time that we get to see our families that we haven't seen in a while. It is a time to just relax and have a good time. It is a time to remember and celebrate the birth of Jesus. I think sometimes everyone needs to be reminded of this. While it has been hard for me to get into the Christmas spirit this year I know when tomorrow comes that spirit with come right along with it.

closing a semester

As I close this semester.....I could not be happier to say goodbye to this semester. It has definitely been one of the hardest semesters that I have ever been through. A lot has happened during this semester that I would really just rather forget. This semester was just not a good one...now I am not saying that there were not some good times because there were.


There were great times with friends. There were also good times had by meeting new people and getting to know them. The times that I shared with my friends were great. I decided to rent a house next year with my friends. Which I am so excited about.


However, most of the time I was very stressed this semester. I had to work my butt off to get the grades that I did. I went into this semester thinking that after a friend's death I could get through it and be fine. As I look back on this semester I should have realized that this semester was not going to be great. I am so ready to say goodbye to this semester. It has been so hard and I know in the end it will all be worth it but as I look at it right now it was very hard and I am just so ready to go home.

Getting older...

Sometimes in your life you have to accept that you are growing up and getting older. Does this mean that you have to give up being a little kid? Does this mean that everything has to change? Lately I have realized how much I have grown up in the past few months. I have also realized that I am getting older. Which I do not really like but I know that it is part of life. There are some people who do not do so well at growing up and getting older. There are somethings that you have to accept in your life that are very hard to accept. Lately that has definitely been me.

I have had to accept things the way that they are. I have had to accept the situations that I have been put in and learn how to deal with them. It has definitely not been easy. It has been a very hard thing to accept. However, I do realize that it is part of life and that not everything is going to go my way.

I have also realized lately who my friends truly are. There are just some people in your life that are there for you more than others. I have been blessed lately to really realize who of my friends are the ones that are going to be there for me for the rest of my life. The ones that truly care about me and want to spend time with me. There are others in my life that just want to be my friend when they feel like and to me I have realize that they are not really worth as much of my time. I have accepted that this is just part of growing up and getting older and well it is not fun I know that things will turn out okay in the end.

The waiting game

Waiting around is not a very fun thing. Most of us are impatient and want things to happen right now we don't want to wait around for goods things to happen. We want the latest and greatest things now we don't want wait around for it. We always want the next best thing we are never satisfied with what we have and we are not patient enough to see if things will get better. We give in way too easily.

Lately I have realized that have been impatient that I want something great to happen in my life. I don't want to wait around for something good to happen I want it to happen now. I am always looking for the next great thing in life. However it has come to my attention that I need to stop thinking about wanting something great to happen in my life. I need to just slow down and enjoy the life that is going on around me. I keep waiting on something to happen to me but why I am doing this? I do not even know what I am waiting. This semester has been rough and I guess I keep thinking well eventually something good will happen. So what do I do I wait around for that good thing to happen and when time has passed and nothing good happens I get frustrated and do not understand why something good has happen.

However, it occurred to me the other day good things are happening to me but I am waiting for that one really great thing to happen to me. That one great thing is for something to tell me everything will be okay and things will work out for you. I realized that one thing is never going to happen because it is those little things that I have been missing out on because I have been so concentrated on that one big great thing that will tell me everything will be okay. I have realized that life is not about the big things that happen in your life but they are the thing little things that are happening while you are busy living life that tell you hey everything will be okay. I need to concentrate on those times in my life and just keep my head up. These things are definitely easier said then done because I am human and we are wanting more, wanting something better. My question is why?

Why are we always so concentrated on the next thing in life? We have so many great things going on in our life right now that we are missing out on because we want the next part of our life to start. So slow down and look at the little things in your life, the things that you do not think really matter. Maybe it is a text message that someone sent or maybe it is just something that you see everyday but do not fully realize how amazing it is. So stop waiting for the next great thing to happen in you life and live for the now because the now can be pretty great too.

Realizations

Do you ever just sit around and think about things? Does something in your life ever make you just stop and make you look at your life? Have you ever realized that you have not been who you wanted to be after something big happens? I have been thinking a lot lately about my life and where it is going and who I am becoming. It is hard to believe that this semester is almost over. It has definitely been one of the hardest semesters I have ever been through. I know after all is said is done it will benefit me in some way. School has been really hard which has lead to me being very stressed. Now I know that being stressed is never a good thing but I think in my case sometimes it has helped me. Anyways being stressed is not what I want to talk about. However the stress in my live has made me stop and rethink my life. My mind lately has been full of different things.

I am almost finished with my first semester of my sophomore year. It's exciting and scary to think about this because well I am scared to grow up. I only have two and a half years left of college and to me that is crazy. It scares the crap out of me because I will soon have to go out into the real world and get a real job and try and make something of myself. This is a scary fact. I am excited to be done with school don't get me wrong but I don't know if I am ready for the responsibilities that come with it.

This is where my mind has been lately. I have been examining my life and looking to see where I need to improve in my life. Lately I have realized how stupid I have been and how much more growing up I have to do. I have been a very selfish person lately. I have only cared about myself. I have put other second and have cared more about my grades and my classes and what I can do to help myself. I know that this is very stupid of me but while I was doing it I had no idea. Now looking back on I regret it. Now I am not saying that I don't care about my grades because I do. I just realize that some of the choices that I have made lately have not been the greatest and I need to change and figure out a way to realize what I am doing so I can stop myself from doing those things. Lately my mind has been filled with hundreds of different things but it mostly has to deal with where is my life going and am I being the person that I truly want to be.

Your Life

Do you ever wonder what other people think about your life? Do think that that they look at you and say I wish I had their life even when they don't even know you? Wouldn't that be so cool to be like I want their life even when the person doesn't know you? It would be like you were a celebrity. I sometimes wonder what people think about my life. Do they look at me and are like she leads a very boring life and never does anything or do they say I bet she has a very interesting life and I would like to be her friend. I guess over all I wonder what people think about me when they first see me. I know that this is probably wrong and I shouldn't care but I am human and can't help it. So if that makes me a bad person to wonder what people think about me then I guess that I am a bad person but I don't really see myself as a bad person because I am pretty sure everyone at one point in their life has wondered what people think about them. It is a natural thing to happen.

As a human I think we all wonder what people think about us. I think we want to be liked by everyone even if we say we don't care there is a part of us that really does care. Everyone to an extend cares what other people think about them and their lives. I think that sometimes we put on this mask so people don't see our real lives and they see what we want them to see. Why do we do this? Because we care what other people think about us. We have grow up in a culture that has taught us how to judge people and how to look at people's lives and decide from that if we want to be their friends or not. We hardly give anyone a chance that don't live the same lives as us. Now to me that does not seem like such a great thing to do. I believe that we need to step outside our box and meet people who are not just like us or that don't just live life lives like us.

Another thing that I wonder about is do people sometimes keep living their same lives even when they are unhappy. Do you think that they keep living the same lives because they are too scared to take a chance and try something new. I think that people sometimes are unhappy with the way they are living and they are unhappy with their lives but they don't know how to change it not only that but they are also too scared to change their lives because they are afraid of change. So I have a few challenges for you try and step outside of your box meet new people, people that you normally wouldn't talk to and second if you are unhappy with your life try something new don't be afraid nothing bad can come of it. If anything both of these things can have great results.

Aunt

So I am really excited because I am going to be an aunt! Yes I have known this for a few months but it really start to hit me a few days ago. Crazy I know but I just started to think about it. I am going to be an aunt. I am going to have a little nephew! Yes my sister is having a boy. I just found out today! It was one of the longest days of my life I could not wait to hear what she was having and I soon as I heard I was so happy! It will definitely be different because well I didn't grow up with boys so it will be a different experience. I cannot wait to hold that little baby boy in my hands. It sucks that I am away at school and don't get to experience some of the things that they do. I guess that is just something that I have to give up in order to get an education. I am hoping that the baby will come over my spring break so that I am home when he is born. Anyways I am just really excited that about the aunt. I am a little nervous that I won't be a good aunt. I guess we will just have to wait and see what happens.

life

My life recently has consisted of constant stress and constant worrying. I hate both of these things but sometimes it comes with being a college student. I am a person who gets very stressed out about the smallest of things so you imagine how stressed I get about a test or paper that is due. Last week was a week that I wish to never have happen again. I had my first two test of the semester so of course I was freaking out about them. I started to prepare myself for these test over the weekend because I wanted to feel as prepares as I could. As Monday approached I started to feel sick and didn't really feel like doing much of anything. I thought to myself this is the last thing I need when I already have to worry about my test. However, I did not let me being sick get me down for the most part. I knew what I had to do in order to do well on my test and well that was to study the best that I could. So that is what I did and as the test approached I started to pray about them just asking God to help out and help me to retain the information that I had been studying. As my first test approached I felt calm and good about taking the test. I went to class the day of the test I took it and felt like I had done a good job on the test. Unfortunately I do not know what I got on that test. My second test approached I took it and felt ok about it but it turns out that I did good on it. I thought after my test were over my stress would go away and I would feel much better. This was not the case I felt like I was getting more sick and at this point I was feeling kind of home sick weird I know but I haven't been home in almost a month and a half and that is kind of a while for me. I had high hopes though for the weekend because I was going to look at houses and then going to Purdue to see friends. The weekend came and looking at houses went great! However when I went to Purdue it was not so great. I did not get to sit with my friends at the game and just some other things went wrong. I tried not to let any of this stuff get to me. I tried not to think why is God letting this stuff happen to me. My mind never went there thankfully but I am still struggling with some certain things that are going on in my life right now. I would to tell you that my life sucks right now but I cannot because a great friend told me this "life is something that even in its hardest moments is something to be enjoyed and praised...it's too short to say that it sucks. These words have really helped me get through the things that I have been dealing. While there is a lot going on and I may feel stressed. I know that life is always a gift and that at any moment that gift can be taken away so why sit around an mob about things that you can't control. The lesson that I have learned is sometimes life tries to knock you off your feet but as long as you are firmly rooted in something everything will work out and be great just something take time.

A weekend in New York

This past weekend my family along with my aunt and uncle and two cousins and I went to New York. This came as a surprise to me because I was just planning on spending the long weekend at home with my family and seeing friends. Half way through last week though that all changed when my dad called to tell me that there was a possibility that we were going to go to New York for the weekend because there was a chance that he my uncle were going to get tickets for the U.S. Open go figure I get a trip to New York because of a tennis match. At this point I wanted to go and was very excited to go. I had been to New York once before that and I really wanted to go back. I then found out that I was actually going as I began to think about it I didn't think I really wanted to go because it would be such a fast trip and I just wanted to relax for the weekend. As it got closer to the time to leave I got more stressed out and really didn't want to go. I got into that car that day to leave still not really wanting to go but as we drove along I thought that it would be okay. It turned out that New York was a great trip for the weekend. While I am very tired I don't regret going. New York is such a cool place to go most people don't like it because there are so many people. It is a fast moving place and I love it. However New York was very much a fashion check. New York is such a fashion forward place and I love it. I love to go to New York and see what the latest fashion is. New York is also a fast moving place people are always on the go and I love that about New York. Now I don't know if I would ever want to actually live in New York city but it would be nice to live close enough to take a train into the city whenever I wanted to visit it. I also realized this weekend that I am very much a city girl and that when I get out of school I want to live in some kind of city and not the country.

Back to School

I have now been back at Ball State for a week and it definitely a change from being at home. I love being back don't get me wrong. However I do not like the start of classes. The first week was not that bad but I need to keep thinking that I can't stress myself out about the little things like I did last year. This year started out completely different as I had to say goodbye to a friend not forever but until I see her again someday in heaven. It was a very difficult week but it made me realize that we don't have forever to live. Some of us have longer than others but some of us could only have a few more days, weeks, or years left in us. My friend was always happy and always smiling I think that is what I learned from her that no matter what is going on to always be happy and have a smiling face. So as I packed up my things and headed off for school I thought about the coming year and what it held. At this point I don't know what it will hold I'm sure it will hold sadness, heartbreak, good and bad time, testing times, stressful times. I know that no matter what this year brings that I will take it on smiling and being happy because that is how we are suppose to live. So stop feeling down if you are and look at all the wonderful things that you get experience and all the things in your life that have yet to come.

Vacation

This past week I went to Myrtle Beach with my parents and one of my friends. It was such an amazing time. It was a great week where I just got to relax and spent some time with my parents before I go back to school. I also faced my fear and went pretty far into the ocean. I love the beach and everything that goes with it but when it comes to the ocean it scares me a little because well there are animals such as sharks in there and that just freaks me out, but I got over that fear and went out into the ocean. This vacation gave me some time to just think things over. It was great to just be able to lay there or to walk along the beach and just think things through. There has been a lot going on in my life lately but on vacation I realized that things will work out for the best and that people come into your life for a purpose. A lot of the time I just think that people are there because you have things in common or you just get along with them but on this vacation I realized that people are placed in your life for a purpose. Everyone you meet in some way changed your life whether it was in a small tiny way that you don't even notice or if it is in a big way. Some people come into your life and stay only for a short time and then leave and then there are those people who stay in your life for a very long time and never leave but the people who interest me the most are the ones who come and go in your life. I know that sounds weird because wouldn't you want the people who never leave. I have realized though that the people that come and go are the ones who have touched my life the most because they are the ones who really have taught me things in my life. They have taught me how to say goodbye but know that it is not goodbye forever. They have taught me how to trust myself and to not rely on others all the time. There is something unique about the people who come and go in my life and that is that they keep coming back. Something draws them back to you which is what I find most interesting. They keep coming back they just can't seem to forget you and that fact makes me feel very special like I am doing something right or in that instant is when I need them most and some how they are there for me that is what I find so interesting about people who come and go in my life. I have had to say goodbye to a lot of friends lately whether it be because they were going back to school or they were moving to a different state the thing that has kept me strong when saying goodbye is knowing that they will come back right when I need them they will still be there.

A weekend at the lake

A weekend at the lake is always a great time. This past weekend I got the chance to go up and see some of my friends from school and it was a great time. My friend and I left early Friday morning to drive three hours. The drive up there was not bad at all it was very relaxing which is very surprising because most of the time I don't really like driving. I was so excited when I got there I felt like I hadn't seen my friends in such a long time. We got there and put our stuff down and headed straight to the lake. I love to be out on any kind of boat. It is just so relaxing and it just frees your mind. I had gone into this weekend a little confused about some things and just a little tired from the week. So once I was on the lake it was great to just have this feeling of relief that I didn't have to worry about anything that the things back at home didn't matter anymore. As the weekend went on I just got to spend some time with my friends catching up and just talking about memories that we had. We got to go swimming and tubing which I am a little sore from. I also got to do a lot of thinking. I had time to just sit on the boat and look around and see all the beautiful things around me. As I said I went into the weekend very confused but as I sat there and just had time to think things became a lot clearer to me. I realized that the things I was confused about were not important that there was no reason for me to be upset about the things I was upset about or to even worry about the things that I was worried about. I realized that in time things will work out that there is nothing I can do right now to make things work out. I cannot make something happen but I have to trust God and let him be the one who makes things right between people. While I am sore from tubing this weekend was so great and I am so glad that I got to see my friends and just relax for a little while.

Chicago

Today I took a trip with my parents and a friend to Chicago. This trip was kind of out of the blue but I had a day off work and I needed to get out of Indiana. So we took a trip to Chicago. I picked Chicago because I hadn't been there in a really long time and because I love cities so much. Even just going downtown is great. I don't know what it is about cities but I love them. There is always so much going on and there is so much to look at.While we got closer to Chicago I began to get really excited.This is just what I need is what I was thinking when we pulled into the city. As day went on I began to realize how much I liked Chicago. I hadn't been there since I was little so I don't remember a whole lot about it. As day went on I thought to myself I could see myself maybe living here when I get out of college. Like I have said before I have realized that I am probably going to have to live in a big city with the career that I have chosen. My first choice would definitely still have to be L.A. because I love California.However if that doesn't work out then I could settle for Chicago I mean they do have a beach it's just not the ocean.The trip to Chicago was great. I felt very at peace with life on the way back home and it was just a good time to spend time with friends and family.

Friends

Friends are a gift from God. Friends are people who get you through the day when you think you aren’t going to make it. Over the past few years I have begun to realize that it isn’t about how many friends you have or how good looking your friends are. It is about how close you are to your friends. I have been lucky enough to have some pretty great friends over the years. Some were just in my life for a little while. While others have stuck around. The ones that have stuck around are the ones that mean the most to me. Not to say that my other friends who have gone a different way don’t mean anything to me. However the friends who have stayed by my side are the ones who have impacted my life the most. They have made me the person that I am today. Without them I really don’t know who I would be. I have realized though lately who are my true friends. There are some people in my life who say they are my friends however the way they sometime act make me question if we are really friends like they say. Now I know that friends are going to disappoint you and they aren’t always going to be there for you. However some of my friends lately have really surprised me with what they say to me and to my other friends. This has made me appreciate my true friends more. I love my friends who will just sit there and listen to me vent most of the time about boys or just what has gone on during the day. I have a friend who I have been friends with since middle school. Never would I have thought when I met her that we would still be friends. Not to say I got a bad impression when I met her. I just knew that it was hard to keep friends especially when you hit high school. However we made it through high school and I am so thankful to have her in my life. We are always there for each other and we always vent to each other. Most people who meet us I think would be surprised that we are so close because to be honest we are complete opposites. We have some things in common but for the most part we are two different people. I am so blessed to have her in my life. Friends are always supposed to be there for you. Over the past few weeks I have lost some friends however I know that is for the best and that the friends that are with me now will be with me for a very long time. Friends are what get me through the day. I would not be the person I am today without my friends.

Birthday Weekend

This past Saturday I had my 20th birthday. As this day approached I wasn't sure how to feel about it. At the start of the week I couldn't wait for my birthday to come. My friends from school were coming to see me and I was just excited to hang out with friends and have a good time. However life is full of surprises and the week started off terrible. Nothing seemed to be going my way. Things just kept happening and I didn't know what to do about any of them. I just kept hoping that as my birthday got closer things would start to look up. Once again they really didn't. I started to think about how old I was going to be. I was going to be 20. I was no longer going to be a teenager. It was time for me to really mature. When I thought about being 20 it kind of scared me. 20 to me was a big number. One of my friends did not help me to forget that I was turning 20. Every chance she got she told me that I was going to be 20. As the day got closer I got more excited and started to forget the week that I had. I decided that I was not going to let those things get to me.

My friends from school finally got here and I was so happy to see them. They made the week so much better. I had looked forward to seeing them all summer. We had so much catching up. The next day they went with me to babysit. That day the kids' mom made me and cake and she also said something that will probably stick with me for a long time. She told me that these next ten years a lot will happen. As I began to think about what she said it made a lot of sense. In these next ten years I will graduate from college, start a career, and probably get married. These things are pretty big stepping stones in my life. Most of the time these things would scare me but I have realized that it is just part of growing up. I am also not scared because I know that the future holds great things and I cannot wait to see what is going to happen.

My birthday weekend turned out to be a pretty good one. I went to the cheesecake factory with my family and got to spend my birthday with some pretty great people. People who have been a part of who I am today.

Stressed...

The past week I have been very stressed out and frustrated. The thing is I have no idea why I have been like this. Most of the time i can figure out why I am stressed out and then figure out a way to take care of it but for the past week I have been very stressed and don't know how to fix it. In most cases I would just not worry about it and it would eventually go away. However this time is different than every other time. My stress had lead to getting upset with people for no reason what so ever and I feel terrible about. I'm not sure what to do about it. So i decided that I should blog and see if it helped anything.

For the past week I have been babysitting it's what I do in the summer. However last week the boy that I watch decided to see how far he could push until I got really upset. Well he succeed. He was acting up everyday and I felt like I couldn't control him. I tried everything but he decided to still misbehave and disrespect me. At first I thought oh this is what is causing my stress by the weekend it should be better.

As the weekend got closer my stress got worse. The boy started to act more and I was having other issues in my life that I had to deal with. I had to decide what to do about a friendship that I felt was not worth the effort anymore. Things with this friendship were great at the start of the summer but as summer went on things got worse. I was upset because I felt as though this person didn't want to hang out with me anymore. This person was one of my best friends all through high school and for the life of me I couldn't figure out what went wrong in our friendship. So by the middle of the week I decided that I was done with that I had fought to hold our friendship together but nothing was working so I ended it. This decision was not an easy one and it added to my stress. After ending I thought oh my stress should get better. Wrong again. Ending the friendship added to my stress. I just kept thinking did I make the right choice did I do the right thing. After a few days my ex friend at the time wrote me back and told me everything that was going on well I ended up crying and decided that if she makes me cry in a good way then she deserves another chance.

Saturday finally rolled around and I was really excited because me and one of my friends had decided earlier in the week that we were going to go downtown to the canal because it was something to do and it was free. Well before we went downtown we decided that we wanted to go shopping because a lot of the stores were having good sales. Not only that but most of the time shopping takes my stress away. So off to the mall we went and while I was there I felt really good and didn't have a care in the world. It was finally time to go to the canal so me and two of my friends headed downtown. We started to walk the canal and all the sudden this huge storm clouds rolled in and I started to freak out so we quickly turned back around and headed to the mall. After the mall my friends came back to my house and we had a great time just dance around and watching movies. I thought finally my stress is gone.

Sunday then came and the stress returned....at this point I stressed that my stress hadn't gone away yet. I took a nap that afternoon and tried to forget about everything. That night I hung out with some friends and things were good and then today came and things weren't going my way. I gave up early and didn't care. I think that is why I am stressed when things don't seem to be going my way I freak out and become this person that I do not like very much. As I continue to type I am realizing that the cause of my stress this past week is that I am just tired and I have been giving up way too easily because I don't want to have to deal with things. So in the end blogging about my stress really did help me I feel much more relaxed and free.

Moving Forward

Yesterday I went to go see Jon McLaughlin at Military Park. I at first didn't really want to go. I was very tired from the past week and I just want to relax until I had to go to my cousin's open house. However I do not regret going at all. Jon McLaughlin used to be one of my favorite artist but as I went to college I stopped listening to him I don't know why. Today when I heard him I fell in love with his music again. His songs are very inspiring and are very relaxing. His songs if you actually listen to the lyrics having really good meaning. He is original from Indiana. He actually has a song called Indiana and as I stood there today and listened to him play this song it made me began to think.

If you know me I want to eventually move to California. If I don't have the chance to move to California then I want to move to a bigger city. While Jon McLaughlin kept playing Indiana my mind began to wander. I started think about where I did want to live when I grow up. I realized that my call was to go to a bigger city. I think that I have always known this. Especially with every career I have ever been interested in. However as my mind wandered more I realized that Indiana is always going to be the place I call home. Who knows I could end up in Indiana. Either way though it is where home is. It is where my family is. While I know I complain a lot about Indiana and how boring it is. It is not always such a bad place to live. I know that if I ever get out of Indiana. I will always come and visit because it is the place where I grew up. It is where I became who I am today and it will always be the place where I feel most safe. I feel as though whoever you are you are always looking for something more something better. That is what I always used to say. I always used to say that I want to get out of Indiana because it would be better but now I realize that Indiana while it is not the best it is good enough for me.

Another song that Jon McLaughlin sings is called just four years. While it talks about the different aspects of high school. It also talks about how much life changes and you are only in high school for four years. It made me start to think about how college for most people is just four years. It then hit me I have already completed one year of college. That started to freak me out because I only have three more years in college. Three more years until I really have to grow up. Now three years seems like a long time but when I think about how fast my freshmen year went I beginning to worry about how fast the next three years will be. I look back now on the past five years of my life and wonder where the time has gone. It feels like just yesterday I was a scared little freshmen. It is surreal that in the fall I will be starting my sophomore year of college! What freaks me out more is I know as each year comes I will become more busy with school and working that time will just fly by. Now don't get me wrong I am excited to be done with school and start a career but it scares me at the same time because the real world is not always a friendly place to be. I have seen some of hard times people have gone through because when they get to the real world they don't know what to do. I just hope and pray that when I reach that point I will have some idea of what is going on and how to handle things. Jon McLaughlin's song talks about how the table turns in the real world. Thinking about I feel after the next three years I will be ready for the real world. Saturday was a great day. It got me back into an artist that I had some what forgotten about. His songs inspire me and make me believe in myself more. While I hate to think about how the next three years are going to go fast I am ready for them. I am ready for what the future holds. It is very scary and exciting. I know for a fact though wherever I end up I will always and forever call Indiana home.

Weekends

This past weekend was the last weekend that I have before I start work. I start nannying tomorrow. I am having mixed feelings about this. I love nannying because the kids that i nanny for are great.On the other hand it means getting up and having to be on the go all day. I have been looking forward to starting to nanny again for a while but as it draws closer I don't know how am going to make it through tomorrow. There will definitely have to be some coffee tomorrow morning as I head out to what is going to be a very busy day.

I thought that this weekend would be a good weekend as my friends were graduating and I just had time to spend with people I haven't seen in a while. I spend most of Friday with my sister helping her moving her things from her old school to her new school. I loved this part of the day because I cannot remember the last time I really spend that much time with my sister. However I could not help but think about what I was going to do when I got back into town. I was going to see my friend in the hospital. If you know me at all I hate hospitals. They are just so sad and my heart just breaks for the people that have to be in there. Well I got back from helping my sister and it was off to the hospital with two of my other friends. The whole way there I was trying to prepare myself for what I was about to encounter. We finally got to the hospital and I thought I was going to be fine. However I walked into the hospital room and saw my friend and it took all of me to not just break down and cry right there. While my friend still acted kind of like himself I could tell that he was in pain and I hate it. The car ride home we were all pretty quite as we all seemed to have a lot on our minds. On the car ride home I just remember just looking out the window and thinking about how lucky I am to be healthy and fine but at the same time I realized that I could have been in that hospital bed just like my friend was. I sometimes feel as though I am unstoppable and nothing can touch me. When I saw my friend I realized that I was not unstoppable and things could hurt me.

After Friday I was ready for something to cheer me up. Saturday morning I went to my high school's graduation. As I sat there watching the graduation I couldn't believe that a year had already passed. I reflected on all that had happened over the past year and how much things had changed. Things were definitely not the same as they were a year ago. Many things had changed. I knew that things were going to change after I went to college but I didn't think they would change as much as they did. Saturday night I just sat outside with one of my friends talking about how much things had changed and how much more they were going to change over the next three years. Right there I decided that it was time for me to accept things that I cannot change. If I didn't then I would constantly be unhappy with the way things were. I also noticed how some of the people I used to be close to I am not even friends with anymore. This made me think about where things went wrong. As thought about it I realized that nothing really happened we just went our separate ways and we went out to find who we really are and if that meant growing apart then than it was for the best.

Finally Sunday came and I couldn't believe how fast my weekend had gone by so fast. I only had one open house to go on Sunday so I spent my day laying out. It was then time for the open house and it was great because I got to hang out with one of my friends that I haven't seen since I left for school. Then Sunday night came and I decided to have a bonfire at my house. It was really good at first but then one of my friends who said they were coming didn't show up so I was really bummed out about that and it kind of just took over the rest of night. It made me think about what people are really important in my life and who really wants me in their life. So to say the least this weekend was definitely not what I expected at all but it has definitely made me want to start my nannying soon!

random thought

I have I recently started reading the book Crazy Love. The reason i started reading this book was first because my bible study leaders told us that a good way to stay close to God was to read a book like this. The second reason is because I have always wanted to read this book I heard about a year ago and then other people have told about how good it is and it will really make you think. So I went out and bought the other day and really just left at that point. I really did not have the motivation to start reading it or anything like that but then as it sat on my desk I would look at everyday and say to myself I really need to start reading. So the book finally got to me and picked it up off my desk and started to read and it within the first couple of pages I was hooked. I was just so moved by what the author was saying to me. I had heard what he was saying before but it hit me in a new way. The thing that I like about the book is that he challenges you to think and he also has videos that go with some of the points that he is trying to make. So as I am reading I come across a part where he tells you to go and watch this video and the video is called juststopandthinkaboutit. It talked about a lot of different things but thing that hit me the most is when he was talking about judging people. I tend to judge people just like everyone else but this he really made me think about how I do really judge people. I will sometimes look at someone and be like well at least I am not as bad as them and said that in the video that we don't have that right and that we are just as bad as them. That really hit me that I need to take a step back and look at myself before I stand there and judge other people. I also realized that God is the only that has right to judge people and he still doesn't he loves everyone no matter what they have done! I know this was random but it was just something that was on my mind.

Things to come

Since the time that I have been home I have a lot of time to think. I am a person who thinks a lot and sometimes it can be a good thing because I get a lot of things figured out and other times I over think things and then I worry. If you know me I worry about the littlest things. One of the things that really freaks me out whenever I think about it is the future. I hate thinking about the future because I do not have any control over it and I don't know what is going to happen. I am a person who loves to be in control and know what is coming. If you have seen my room and have seen my calendar I have most everything planned out for the day and I know exactly what I am doing. Now that is not to say that I don't like to do random things because I do but when it comes down to things that I need to get done I make sure to get them done and I have a plan on exactly how to get them done. However that is not the point.The point is that the future freaks me out. I worry about what exactly I am going to do when I get out of college. I want to be a buyer but I freak out that I won't get a job or I won't get the job that I want. I also worry about who I am going to marry and where I am going to live. However recently when I think about the future it doesn't freak me out as much anymore. I have realized that I like not having control of my future. I like that God knows exactly what is going to happen. I like the surprises that each day holds because I don't know what is going to happen next. I also know that things will fall into place when the time is right. That things will happen when I am mature enough and ready for them to happen and I am totally ok with this. Now if you would have asked me this a year ago I would freak out and be very worried and go into panic mode. I would have tried to figure out how exactly to get where I want to get no matter what I had to do to get there. But now I am better and I don't stress about the future as much now that is not to say I still don't stress out about it because believe me I do but I have just realized how to handle it better.

where has the time gone?

As I sit here in my room at home looking around at all the old pictures that I have but when in reality they really aren’t that old they were just a year ago. I cannot believe that I graduated a year ago it just seems crazy to me. As sit here writing this there are many things that are going through my head. I am wonder about where the time has gone. It seems like yesterday I was packing up the van for move in day and now it is the end of my freshmen year. Wow has the time has flown. As I sit here and wonder about how the time as flown it also makes me think about if I have truly lived my life to the fullest if I have taken things for granted. And after thinking about it I have realized that I do take a lot of things for granted. I take my family for granted a lot of times. I have been blessed with a great family but sometimes I do not realize that or sometimes I find myself complaining about the little things in life and not realizing that there are people out there that have it a lot worse than me. I need to realize that I am blessed that I get to live each and every day. I am blessed that I can wake up every morning and not have to worry about where my next meal is coming from or how I am going to make it through the day. Granted I do wake up some mornings and don’t know how I am going to make it through the day. But recently I have realized that I don’t really have the right to think that because I live comfortably and I really don’t have a lot of things to worry about. As I sit here I wonder what the summer and the future holds for me. As of right now I hope the summer is full of adventure with great friends. I hope that it is a summer to remember. I know one thing is for sure once summer really starts it will be busy and I don’t know if I am ready for that. Sometimes I wish that things would slow down but then I realize that it’s not the things around me that need to slow down but it’s me who needs to slow down. I make myself busy not anyone else. I decide what I am going to do and I also decide where my life is going. I am a very controlling person so you would think that I would like this.However, I do not like this kind of control because it is me who is making myself busy no one else. So when I say that I am busy I have no one but myself to blame. Now I am not complaining about being busy because most of the time it is nice to keep things going and be doing things. However some of the time I just want it all to stop.So this summer I hope will be an adventure but I also hope that there will be a lot of me time. Not the kind of me time where I am selfish but a me time where I can just be myself and reflect on the day. Time where I can spend thinking about my day to see if I have really truly lived that day or if I kind of just did whatever because that is what everyone else was doing. I am excited for what the summer has in store for. There are tons of other things that are going through my head at this point but nothing that you would really want to hear about. The biggest thing is where has the time gone? and did I really make the most of everyday.

Going Home...

Tomorrow is the day!It is the day that I say goodbye to Ball State for the summer and say hello to the summer at home. I sit at my desk for one of the last times I have mixed feelings about all of this. I am sad to say goodbye to a great year. It's hard to say goodbye to friends that you have only known for a year but feel like you have known them all your life. It is also hard to say goodbye to my freshmen of college because that means one step closer to be out in the real world. I don't know how I feel about this. Don't get me wrong I am ready to be done with school but I don't feel as though I am ready for the real world yet. I still have a hard time believing that I am going to be 20 this year. It hard for me to grow up because I have enjoyed being a kid. I mean who doesn't. Kids are so care free and love to have fun. I know that I need to grow up because it is a part of life but it is scary at times because it is a big responsibility. Saying goodbye to Ball State tomorrow will be a good and a bad feeling.
I am looking forward to a great summer with great friends that I haven't gotten to see in a while. A summer of just relaxing and not having to worry about a lot. I am ready to just hang out and not worry if I have a paper or a test the next day. I am ready to see my two best friends from back home. I'm just ready to be home. Home is where I grew up. It's where I became the person that I am today. It is where my family is. Home is where my faith first started to grow. Home is my safe place and I can't wait to get back to that.


As tomorrow draws closer I can't help but get excited. Tomorrow holds new adventures for me. It holds another chapter in my life. It holds so much potential. But then again I don't really know what tomorrow holds. It will be a great day I am sure. One that I will remember as it is the day that I moved back home from my freshmen year of college at Ball State.

About me

My name is Stacey. I am finishing my freshmen year at Ball State University. I have a great family that I am really missing right now. My family is a big part of my life without them I would not be the person I am today. I am a Christian and I am trying my hardest to live everyday for him. I have great friends in my life and I do not know where I would be without them.When I get done with college I hope to become a buyer for a clothing company that would be my dream job but for right now I am just living my life day by day. I try to live everyday to the fullest and take every chance I get because I never know what will happen tomorrow. Here our a few pictures from this year.



This is my roommate and I at the beginning of the year


These our two of my best friends at school. I love them so much and I will miss them dearly this summer!


This is the group of friends I went with on Spring Break to Ponte Vedra Beach


This is my family at my graduation