Coming to a close...

Second Semester of my sophomore almost over!? Say what? Can't believe that I have two more weeks of my sophomore year left. I feel like it was just the other day that I was moving into my dorm freshmen. Feeling very scared not knowing how I would do at college or even if I would like it. It's been over a year since that day. It's so crazy to think about. I went home this weekend for Easter. It was definitely good to be home but it was hard to come back to school knowing that in two weeks I would back at home for the summer. It also made me think about a lot of things that have been going on in my life lately. Where my life is at this point in time. I realized that this summer I turn 21. While I am so excited about this birthday it just makes me really think about what I have done with my life up until this point. 21 is kind of a big number. I freaked out when I turned 20 because to that was such a big number and now I have to add one more to that number. I am not sure how to feel about this. Lately I feel like I have not really been living my life but I have just let it pass by and I have just watched it. It's so weird to try and explain this feeling but I feel as though I just see me doing all this stuff and I don't know why I am doing it or I can't stop myself from doing it.

I decided to read some of my old posts to see if they could help me at all and of course they did. They reminded me of a lot of things. I read one about my birthday and weekend and what someone told me. They told me on my 20th birthday that the next ten years are really going to change who you are. Whoa! This is crazy but so so true. Just think about it. It hasn't even been a year yet and I feel as though I have already changed. I can't imagine what the next nine years hold.

This year has definitely been hard. There has been a lot of sadness, heartbreak, and just plain rough times. It has made an impact on my life. When I look back on my year there is probably a lot that I should regret but as I sit here and I think about what I should regret I have to say to myself is it really worth regretting. What is regretting something really going to do for me? It's not going to make that point in time go away. It's not going to make me feel any better. In fact it is going to make me feel worse. It is like this big weight that I just have to carry around. Yes, this year was hard and yes I did things that I should regret but I also learned something I can't sit around here regretting things and living in the past because where is that going to get me. I'll tell you where that gets me it's gets me right back to where I started. It doesn't let me go anywhere because if I keep regretting things I keep going back to things wonder what I could have done differently. So then I go running back to those things just to make the same mistake again. So this I have learned to let things go don't hold onto the past because in the end it is just going to get right back to where you started and that is some place that I don't want to be.

I want to keep moving forward with my life. I am almost 21 years old. I still have so much more to live for and I don't want to miss a moment of my life because I am too busy living in the past. Trying to figure out what I could have done differently. I am tired of living as a part of the audience of my life. I am ready to take hold of my life and be the shining star. So as look back on my year I say goodbye to the past and hello to a bright future that will probably have more regrets in it but I am not going to let them get to me anymore.