Realizations

Do you ever just sit around and think about things? Does something in your life ever make you just stop and make you look at your life? Have you ever realized that you have not been who you wanted to be after something big happens? I have been thinking a lot lately about my life and where it is going and who I am becoming. It is hard to believe that this semester is almost over. It has definitely been one of the hardest semesters I have ever been through. I know after all is said is done it will benefit me in some way. School has been really hard which has lead to me being very stressed. Now I know that being stressed is never a good thing but I think in my case sometimes it has helped me. Anyways being stressed is not what I want to talk about. However the stress in my live has made me stop and rethink my life. My mind lately has been full of different things.

I am almost finished with my first semester of my sophomore year. It's exciting and scary to think about this because well I am scared to grow up. I only have two and a half years left of college and to me that is crazy. It scares the crap out of me because I will soon have to go out into the real world and get a real job and try and make something of myself. This is a scary fact. I am excited to be done with school don't get me wrong but I don't know if I am ready for the responsibilities that come with it.

This is where my mind has been lately. I have been examining my life and looking to see where I need to improve in my life. Lately I have realized how stupid I have been and how much more growing up I have to do. I have been a very selfish person lately. I have only cared about myself. I have put other second and have cared more about my grades and my classes and what I can do to help myself. I know that this is very stupid of me but while I was doing it I had no idea. Now looking back on I regret it. Now I am not saying that I don't care about my grades because I do. I just realize that some of the choices that I have made lately have not been the greatest and I need to change and figure out a way to realize what I am doing so I can stop myself from doing those things. Lately my mind has been filled with hundreds of different things but it mostly has to deal with where is my life going and am I being the person that I truly want to be.

Your Life

Do you ever wonder what other people think about your life? Do think that that they look at you and say I wish I had their life even when they don't even know you? Wouldn't that be so cool to be like I want their life even when the person doesn't know you? It would be like you were a celebrity. I sometimes wonder what people think about my life. Do they look at me and are like she leads a very boring life and never does anything or do they say I bet she has a very interesting life and I would like to be her friend. I guess over all I wonder what people think about me when they first see me. I know that this is probably wrong and I shouldn't care but I am human and can't help it. So if that makes me a bad person to wonder what people think about me then I guess that I am a bad person but I don't really see myself as a bad person because I am pretty sure everyone at one point in their life has wondered what people think about them. It is a natural thing to happen.

As a human I think we all wonder what people think about us. I think we want to be liked by everyone even if we say we don't care there is a part of us that really does care. Everyone to an extend cares what other people think about them and their lives. I think that sometimes we put on this mask so people don't see our real lives and they see what we want them to see. Why do we do this? Because we care what other people think about us. We have grow up in a culture that has taught us how to judge people and how to look at people's lives and decide from that if we want to be their friends or not. We hardly give anyone a chance that don't live the same lives as us. Now to me that does not seem like such a great thing to do. I believe that we need to step outside our box and meet people who are not just like us or that don't just live life lives like us.

Another thing that I wonder about is do people sometimes keep living their same lives even when they are unhappy. Do you think that they keep living the same lives because they are too scared to take a chance and try something new. I think that people sometimes are unhappy with the way they are living and they are unhappy with their lives but they don't know how to change it not only that but they are also too scared to change their lives because they are afraid of change. So I have a few challenges for you try and step outside of your box meet new people, people that you normally wouldn't talk to and second if you are unhappy with your life try something new don't be afraid nothing bad can come of it. If anything both of these things can have great results.

Aunt

So I am really excited because I am going to be an aunt! Yes I have known this for a few months but it really start to hit me a few days ago. Crazy I know but I just started to think about it. I am going to be an aunt. I am going to have a little nephew! Yes my sister is having a boy. I just found out today! It was one of the longest days of my life I could not wait to hear what she was having and I soon as I heard I was so happy! It will definitely be different because well I didn't grow up with boys so it will be a different experience. I cannot wait to hold that little baby boy in my hands. It sucks that I am away at school and don't get to experience some of the things that they do. I guess that is just something that I have to give up in order to get an education. I am hoping that the baby will come over my spring break so that I am home when he is born. Anyways I am just really excited that about the aunt. I am a little nervous that I won't be a good aunt. I guess we will just have to wait and see what happens.

life

My life recently has consisted of constant stress and constant worrying. I hate both of these things but sometimes it comes with being a college student. I am a person who gets very stressed out about the smallest of things so you imagine how stressed I get about a test or paper that is due. Last week was a week that I wish to never have happen again. I had my first two test of the semester so of course I was freaking out about them. I started to prepare myself for these test over the weekend because I wanted to feel as prepares as I could. As Monday approached I started to feel sick and didn't really feel like doing much of anything. I thought to myself this is the last thing I need when I already have to worry about my test. However, I did not let me being sick get me down for the most part. I knew what I had to do in order to do well on my test and well that was to study the best that I could. So that is what I did and as the test approached I started to pray about them just asking God to help out and help me to retain the information that I had been studying. As my first test approached I felt calm and good about taking the test. I went to class the day of the test I took it and felt like I had done a good job on the test. Unfortunately I do not know what I got on that test. My second test approached I took it and felt ok about it but it turns out that I did good on it. I thought after my test were over my stress would go away and I would feel much better. This was not the case I felt like I was getting more sick and at this point I was feeling kind of home sick weird I know but I haven't been home in almost a month and a half and that is kind of a while for me. I had high hopes though for the weekend because I was going to look at houses and then going to Purdue to see friends. The weekend came and looking at houses went great! However when I went to Purdue it was not so great. I did not get to sit with my friends at the game and just some other things went wrong. I tried not to let any of this stuff get to me. I tried not to think why is God letting this stuff happen to me. My mind never went there thankfully but I am still struggling with some certain things that are going on in my life right now. I would to tell you that my life sucks right now but I cannot because a great friend told me this "life is something that even in its hardest moments is something to be enjoyed and praised...it's too short to say that it sucks. These words have really helped me get through the things that I have been dealing. While there is a lot going on and I may feel stressed. I know that life is always a gift and that at any moment that gift can be taken away so why sit around an mob about things that you can't control. The lesson that I have learned is sometimes life tries to knock you off your feet but as long as you are firmly rooted in something everything will work out and be great just something take time.

A weekend in New York

This past weekend my family along with my aunt and uncle and two cousins and I went to New York. This came as a surprise to me because I was just planning on spending the long weekend at home with my family and seeing friends. Half way through last week though that all changed when my dad called to tell me that there was a possibility that we were going to go to New York for the weekend because there was a chance that he my uncle were going to get tickets for the U.S. Open go figure I get a trip to New York because of a tennis match. At this point I wanted to go and was very excited to go. I had been to New York once before that and I really wanted to go back. I then found out that I was actually going as I began to think about it I didn't think I really wanted to go because it would be such a fast trip and I just wanted to relax for the weekend. As it got closer to the time to leave I got more stressed out and really didn't want to go. I got into that car that day to leave still not really wanting to go but as we drove along I thought that it would be okay. It turned out that New York was a great trip for the weekend. While I am very tired I don't regret going. New York is such a cool place to go most people don't like it because there are so many people. It is a fast moving place and I love it. However New York was very much a fashion check. New York is such a fashion forward place and I love it. I love to go to New York and see what the latest fashion is. New York is also a fast moving place people are always on the go and I love that about New York. Now I don't know if I would ever want to actually live in New York city but it would be nice to live close enough to take a train into the city whenever I wanted to visit it. I also realized this weekend that I am very much a city girl and that when I get out of school I want to live in some kind of city and not the country.

Back to School

I have now been back at Ball State for a week and it definitely a change from being at home. I love being back don't get me wrong. However I do not like the start of classes. The first week was not that bad but I need to keep thinking that I can't stress myself out about the little things like I did last year. This year started out completely different as I had to say goodbye to a friend not forever but until I see her again someday in heaven. It was a very difficult week but it made me realize that we don't have forever to live. Some of us have longer than others but some of us could only have a few more days, weeks, or years left in us. My friend was always happy and always smiling I think that is what I learned from her that no matter what is going on to always be happy and have a smiling face. So as I packed up my things and headed off for school I thought about the coming year and what it held. At this point I don't know what it will hold I'm sure it will hold sadness, heartbreak, good and bad time, testing times, stressful times. I know that no matter what this year brings that I will take it on smiling and being happy because that is how we are suppose to live. So stop feeling down if you are and look at all the wonderful things that you get experience and all the things in your life that have yet to come.

Vacation

This past week I went to Myrtle Beach with my parents and one of my friends. It was such an amazing time. It was a great week where I just got to relax and spent some time with my parents before I go back to school. I also faced my fear and went pretty far into the ocean. I love the beach and everything that goes with it but when it comes to the ocean it scares me a little because well there are animals such as sharks in there and that just freaks me out, but I got over that fear and went out into the ocean. This vacation gave me some time to just think things over. It was great to just be able to lay there or to walk along the beach and just think things through. There has been a lot going on in my life lately but on vacation I realized that things will work out for the best and that people come into your life for a purpose. A lot of the time I just think that people are there because you have things in common or you just get along with them but on this vacation I realized that people are placed in your life for a purpose. Everyone you meet in some way changed your life whether it was in a small tiny way that you don't even notice or if it is in a big way. Some people come into your life and stay only for a short time and then leave and then there are those people who stay in your life for a very long time and never leave but the people who interest me the most are the ones who come and go in your life. I know that sounds weird because wouldn't you want the people who never leave. I have realized though that the people that come and go are the ones who have touched my life the most because they are the ones who really have taught me things in my life. They have taught me how to say goodbye but know that it is not goodbye forever. They have taught me how to trust myself and to not rely on others all the time. There is something unique about the people who come and go in my life and that is that they keep coming back. Something draws them back to you which is what I find most interesting. They keep coming back they just can't seem to forget you and that fact makes me feel very special like I am doing something right or in that instant is when I need them most and some how they are there for me that is what I find so interesting about people who come and go in my life. I have had to say goodbye to a lot of friends lately whether it be because they were going back to school or they were moving to a different state the thing that has kept me strong when saying goodbye is knowing that they will come back right when I need them they will still be there.