Junior year

I can't believe that I am already starting my junior year. It seems like just yesterday I was starting my freshmen year of college. I can still remember how I felt when I was moving in. I was so scared and really didn't know what to think. I remember walking to my classes the first day and being so nervous about whether or not I was going to make friends or not. Looking back on it now I have come a long way from that first day of freshmen year. A lot of good and bad things have happened in my life. I have discovered so much about who I am, who my true friends are, and where I want my life to go.

Anyways back to starting junior year. It still blows my mind that today was my first day of junior year. This year it was a lot harder to come back to school because I knew it was going to be hard to not see my nephew most everyday like I had this summer. However, I knew that it was best for me to go back to school. As I started to move stuff into my house, I got more excited about coming back to school. As the first day started to approach I got more and more nervous. This was the first year that I was really getting into my major classes and I didn't really know what to expect. Before it had just been core classes and some of my friends had taken the classes before me so I kind of knew what to expect. This year was different because I really didn't know anyone who had taken the classes that I was taken.

I went to my first day of classes and it went so much better than I thought. I decided that this year isn't going to be as bad as I thought it might be. My professors today seemed liked they were easy and were willing to help you if you need it. I really do look forward to this year. It has started off better than last year so I know that it will be better than last year.

Guess it's Time...

I have put off this blog because well I knew it would be one of the hardest blogs I would have to write but it's finally time to come to terms with it. Almost a year ago my friend Shelly passed away. It was very sudden and no one knew it was coming. When I first heard about it I just kind of sat there and tried to continue what I was doing but that is all I could think about and I just lost it. I didn't know what to do so I just sat there crying. I tried my hardest to get my mind off of things I knew that I would have to tell my friend Molly which I knew wasn't going to be easy. The other bad thing was that weekend I was supposed to move back to school. My friend Morgan was over at the time and she tried her hardest as did my family to try and calm me down but honestly nothing was going to calm me down at this point. I remember trying to pack the next couple of days and I just couldn't because I would just sit there and cry. I went to school and ended up having to come home the next week for the showing. I knew that this was going to be hard. How do you say goodbye to a close friend. I was 20 at the time and the last thing I was thinking about was that I was going to have to say goodbye to another friend in my life. I went to viewing with my mom, sister, and my friend Abby. Abby knew that this was going to be hard for me so she was right there by my side through all of it. I remember walking in and there was just this huge line of people waiting to say their goodbyes. I was doing pretty well at first and then all the sudden I saw my friend Molly and just lost it. I cried everyday for weeks after. I still cry sometimes.

This post isn't to tell you about how I felt but to tell you about Shelly. Shelly was one of the greatest people I knew. She always and I mean always had a smile on her face no matter what was happening in her life. Whenever I talked to her she always made me feel better. Her favorite thing was fireworks and things that were light up. She would always just get this huge smile on her face whenever there was fireworks or anything that would light up. We spend a lot of time together before she went to college out of state. We would always lay out at her pool and just talk about boys and what was going on in our lives. She was someone that you could just tell really cared about you. She always put others first. Shelly was deeply rooted in her faith and it definitely showed whenever you talked to her. I miss the days of dancing to random songs and just have heart to hearts with her I know that she is in a better place. Everyday there is always something that reminds me of her that's how I know that she is up in heaven looking down on me. Still watching over me and caring for me. My hope is that I can be like Shelly one day. I hope to just always smile and to just put others before myself because that's the way it should be. Life is short we never know when our time is coming. So, wouldn't you rather just smile and forget about your worries than to be angry and worried about every little thing?

Happy Birthday Molly!

Today is one of my very best friend's birthday. Well that is if I can get all of this typed and posted by midnight. Mine and Molly's friendship is special. Most people would never think that we are as close as we are because well we are opposites but Molly has been through a lot with me. Whether it was boys or falling on the ground at CIY crying Molly was always there. Not to say that our friendship has not has it's ups and downs but we got through all of them. Molly is such a caring person who will do anything for the people that she loves. She has always been there for me even when I have done stupid things. She has always been someone who I can completely trust and rely on. I don 't really think that there is anything about me that Molly doesn't know. She has a huge heart and I love and admire that about her. She is just such a great person. When our friend Shelly passed away we got through it together. She can always tell when something is wrong with me. She has been there for me through boyfriends and break ups. She even brought me a milkshake when I was sick and my boyfriend at the time would not bring me one. That's the kind of person Molly is. She would drop everything for the people that she loves. I know that a lot of this sounds like what most people would say about their friends especially on their birthday to make them feel special but this is no lie. Molly is a very caring person. Heck she always lets me sleep in her nice comfy bed when I spend the night. We have been on many CIYs together and have cried a lot together. She will sit with me on the floor at CIY when I am balling my eyes out. She will let me cry into her pillow and get mascara all over her pillow and doesn't care that it won't come out because that's a memory that me and her share. We have had so many great memories to singing and dancing in your room to balling our eyes out as we went on our last CIY together. Molly you have been there for me through so much. I love you! I really hope that you have a WONDERFUL birthday because you deserve it!

Not the same

I am turning 21 on Sunday. I am so excited for this birthday! However, I started today I began to realize that 21 is a big number. When you turn 21 you are supposed to share it with all of your friends and have a good time. You are supposed to spend time with your family as well. As I was washing dishes today I looked at a picture of my grandparents that my mom has sitting on the ledge in front of the sink. I started to think about all the great times that I had with my grandparents when they were still with me. I remember running around in their house and staying the night when my parents went on vacation or just needed a night to themselves. They were always there for my birthdays and most summers we would spend out on their lake by their house. I started to think about how they weren't going to be able to make it to this birthday because they aren't with us anymore. The more I started to think about the more upset I got this. This is supposed to be a big birthday for me and I can't even share it with the two people that helped raised me and had a part in who I am today.

As my mind began to wonder even more I realized that one of my best friends that passed away at the beginning of the school year won't be able to share my birthday with me. This is what really hit me. Me, her, and another one of my friends would always talk about when we turned 21 and how great it was going to be especially when I turned 21 because I was the last one to turn 21. Now sitting here thinking about it makes me teary eyed. My birthday won't be the same without her. Of course my mind started to wonder even further and I started thinking about other important things in my life that I would love to share with these people but can't. When I get married my grandparents won't be able to see me walk down the isle. My friend won't be able to be a bride maid in my wedding. There are just so many things that they are going to miss and I hate that I can't share these big dates in my life. I can't share what would be important dates to my friend with her because she doesn't get the chance to have those dates. My 21st and my wedding won't be the same without these people here sharing it with me.

If I have learned one thing this year is don't ever take your friends and your family for granted. Tell them you love each and everyday. If you are fighting be the one to make it okay because you never know if they will be there tomorrow or if they will be able to make it to those important dates. So live life to the fullest make mistakes but learn from them. Love on everyone that comes into your life. If you have enemies forgive them. If you want to talk to someone do it don't wait until the next day or week. You never know who will be here for those important dates in your life.

acceptance

What would do to be accepted? It's a question that we have all heard. But have you really ever stopped and really thought about it? We always hear the question, would you jump off a cliff if your friends did it. I think that full meaning of this question is not really if your friends did something stupid would you do. I believe that it is more would you do something stupid in order to feel accepted. Maybe everyone else has already figured that one out and I am just a little slow but I think that it is a good question to asks. Most people would probably answer I wouldn't do anything I really didn't want to do, but how do you know that for sure. I feel like a lot of times we answers questions that we truly do not know the answer to unless we are put in that exact situation. Yeah we have the answer that we hope we would do but in the end we don't really know for sure.

If you think about you have probably done a lot of things that you never thought you would do in order to feel accepted. I am sure at some point in your life you treated someone badly because that's what the "in-crowd" was doing and you wanted to be a part of that crowd so you did it too even though you knew it was wrong. You would think that as you got older you would start to care less about what other think about you and you would not feel as though you always needed to be accepted, but I think as we get older we want to be accepted even more than when we were younger. We are influenced by so many different things. Every commercial you see on tv influences you. The media is constantly telling how to look, act, and wear if we wanted to be accepted in the society that we live in. We buy into it too. I know that so many times I have looked at different pictures and thought if I could just have this or that then I would be accepted and happy, but I have learned that is the totally wrong way to think.

Just because you look a certain way, dress a certain way, or act a certain way does not mean that you are automatically going to be accepted. People are so concerned with being accepted that they lose sight of who they once were. They turned into the people that they never thought they would turn into. They are doing things that they said they would never do. It just is so crazy to me think about what people do to be accepted. I know that I fall into this category too that I will do certain things just to feel accepted. I guess at the end of the day though we all have to asks ourselves if being accepted is worth giving up who we truly are? I don't think it is but then again when put in the situation of wanting to be accepted it is hard to remember that. So I believe that sometimes being accepted wins out and that's not how it should be. We should be true to ourselves and not care what other people really think because what do they really know if you are happy that's all that matters.

traveling

I just got back a week ago from a much needed vacation. While on this vacation I had a lot of time to just think,relax, and spend time with family. I did a lot of thinking because well I couldn't use my phone and there was no internet so what else was I supposed to do. I'm just kidding I love vacations because they give me so much time to think. I just finished my sophomore year of college and honestly it is so hard for me to believe that I am already halfway done with my college career. I don't feel like I am ready to go out into the real world in two years. It is just very scary for me to think about. Anyways I realized on vacation and pretty much the past few weeks who I really am and where I want my life to go.

This year has not been easy but I have made it through it. I think that there is a reason it was so hard. I think it was for me to realize that I can make through tough times I just have to have faith. I have truly learned how strong I am. I am also starting to realize that I am not one to want to really stay in one place very long. I love to travel and I realized this on my vacation. I was so excited when I got on the plane and the coolest feeling ever is when you take off you get this feeling in your stomach that is hard to describe but I get so excited every time. I sit and I wonder what this trip is going to bring. What new and interesting things am I going to see? What kind of new people am I going to meet? I just love everything about travel. It just gives you so many new experiences and it just makes you open your eyes to things that you have not seen before.

With all this being said I realized that I am a very on the go type person. I always want to be doing something or going somewhere if I'm not then I have feel like I am just wasting my time. I want to travel all over the world the only problem is that I don't have money to do that. I want to go to different countries and help out in any way I can. I really want to work for TOMS but I realized that if I don't get that job I would love a job that I could travel and see different parts of the world because honestly other countries and different cultures interest me so much. I can't wait to see what the future has in store for me. I'm sure whatever it is will be great.

Ending Sophomore year

I didn't know if I would have time to write this the day before I go home like I did last year because well I have finals and unlike last year they are going to be hard. Anyways as I sit at my desk for one of the last times and I type one of my last blogs as a sophomore it is all so surreal. I can't believe that I am almost finished with my second year of college. I feel like it was just the other day that I was walking across that stage in my high school gym to receive my diploma and now I am sitting here my room almost completely empty getting ready to complete my sophomore year. As I have said before a lot has happened this year. I feel each year I learn something new. This year I learned that life isn't always so easy. Yes I have been faced with hardships before in my life but none like I had to go through this year.

School this whole year was just hard altogether. First semester there was just so much work I would have to get done in a week and on top of that I have was having issues with some of my friends. I wasn't sure what to do most days. Most days I would come back from classes and do homework and being completely stressed all the time. There was not one day first semester that at the end of the day I wasn't worn out and was ready for bed in hopes that the next day would be better. Now I'm not saying that first semester was completely terrible and that I didn't have a few good days because I did they were just rare and when I did have them I definitely cherished them. It just felt like most days were never ending. So when winter break came around I was so excited. I went home and just had time to relax. When it was time to come back I was not ready because a part of me thought that second semester would be just like first semester. I however convinced myself that it would be better no matter what because there were a lot of good things going on in my life and I was going to become an aunt. Boy was I wrong second semester was not as bad as first semester but just little things would pop up and would be very frustrating. Most of my days were good for the most part. There were so days that I wondered if they would ever end. I joined a sorority second semester and do not regret it one bit. They are changing my life.

This year was definitely hard but it has once again taught me something. It has taught me that things that you believe in are going to be tested. You are going to have those moments when all you want to do is throw in the towel and say that I'm done. However, I learned that if you push through all these hard times that end result is so great. Yes, it was a hard year but I learned so much from this year. I have learned a lot more about myself. Who I am and where my life is going. I learned that even when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel it's there just waiting on me to realize that it is there.

Life isn't about all the good times. It about the bad times too. It's about the hard times and getting through those hard times that truly makes you who you are. I know that with the bad things that happen in my life I learn from them and I also learn a little bit more about myself. So while this year was hard and I can't wait for a summer with my friends. I learned a lot about myself. How much I can handle and where my life is going from this point.