Do What Makes You Happy

Ever wonder why certain things or people are in your life.  Why certain things happen or why things turn out the way they do. I am always questioning these types of things. Especially when things don't go my way at all or when someone who hurts me comes into my life. I have been very stressed out this semester between balancing school, sorority stuff, and school. Things have not been the easiest for me this year. Adjusting to a new schedule and new roommates. With all this happening it has made me realize what is truly important in my life.

I have realized that I am truly blessed with some pretty great people in my life. I have had to deal with a lot this year and no matter what my friends have always been there for me no matter what it was.  I think that is why God puts people in our lives. So that when you are having a hard time you have your friends that you can always fall back on. If I did not have my friends especially two of my sisters I would not have made it through a lot of the hard times that I have been having. 

I have also realized that people come into our lives to teach us something. Some people hurt us. Some people judge us. Others accept us for who we are. For those who hurt us we learn from our mistakes we learn what we don't want in our lives. We find out who are true friends are.  People are going to come into your life and they are going to hurt you but what I have realized is that they were put into you life for a purpose to teach you something. Whether that be about yourself or just something that you don't want in your life. 

Things are also going to happen in your life that you don't want to happen. Things aren't always going to go your way but these situations they are there for a reason they help you to become a stronger person. If you let these things get you down then you are never going to be happy. Things aren't always going to go your way. The things that you want most you are going to go after and get. Things aren't just going to fall into your lap. You have to work at things sometime. Most of all you have to do what makes you happy if not then you are never going to be happy.

Sisters are Forever

Ever wonder why God gave you sisters? Especially when they are getting on your last nerve and you just want to disown them. This past week my week was definitely rough whether it was school or friends it was just a hard week to get through. The only reason that I made it was because of my sisters both blood and sorority sisters. 

I realized that God gives us sisters so that in our times we always have someone there to support us.  My blood sisters have always been there for me. Especially this summer so when I came back to school I struggled at first because I did not know what to do without my sisters. Then I started to realize that I have  now 97 sisters that are always going to be there for me at school. It is hard to describe to some people about the time of bond that you share with your sorority sisters but it is definitely special. They are going to have your back no matter what. They know every little thing about you. They know when you are having a bad day and will do everything in their power to make you feel better. Honestly they do a pretty amazing job most of the time. 

As of today I can honestly say I don't know where I would be in life without my blood or sorority sisters. They are the ones that are going to always be there for me. They are going to be there when I get married. They are going to be the first people I go to about everything in life. My sisters are my everything and I would not be as far as I am in life without them.

Junior year

I can't believe that I am already starting my junior year. It seems like just yesterday I was starting my freshmen year of college. I can still remember how I felt when I was moving in. I was so scared and really didn't know what to think. I remember walking to my classes the first day and being so nervous about whether or not I was going to make friends or not. Looking back on it now I have come a long way from that first day of freshmen year. A lot of good and bad things have happened in my life. I have discovered so much about who I am, who my true friends are, and where I want my life to go.

Anyways back to starting junior year. It still blows my mind that today was my first day of junior year. This year it was a lot harder to come back to school because I knew it was going to be hard to not see my nephew most everyday like I had this summer. However, I knew that it was best for me to go back to school. As I started to move stuff into my house, I got more excited about coming back to school. As the first day started to approach I got more and more nervous. This was the first year that I was really getting into my major classes and I didn't really know what to expect. Before it had just been core classes and some of my friends had taken the classes before me so I kind of knew what to expect. This year was different because I really didn't know anyone who had taken the classes that I was taken.

I went to my first day of classes and it went so much better than I thought. I decided that this year isn't going to be as bad as I thought it might be. My professors today seemed liked they were easy and were willing to help you if you need it. I really do look forward to this year. It has started off better than last year so I know that it will be better than last year.

Guess it's Time...

I have put off this blog because well I knew it would be one of the hardest blogs I would have to write but it's finally time to come to terms with it. Almost a year ago my friend Shelly passed away. It was very sudden and no one knew it was coming. When I first heard about it I just kind of sat there and tried to continue what I was doing but that is all I could think about and I just lost it. I didn't know what to do so I just sat there crying. I tried my hardest to get my mind off of things I knew that I would have to tell my friend Molly which I knew wasn't going to be easy. The other bad thing was that weekend I was supposed to move back to school. My friend Morgan was over at the time and she tried her hardest as did my family to try and calm me down but honestly nothing was going to calm me down at this point. I remember trying to pack the next couple of days and I just couldn't because I would just sit there and cry. I went to school and ended up having to come home the next week for the showing. I knew that this was going to be hard. How do you say goodbye to a close friend. I was 20 at the time and the last thing I was thinking about was that I was going to have to say goodbye to another friend in my life. I went to viewing with my mom, sister, and my friend Abby. Abby knew that this was going to be hard for me so she was right there by my side through all of it. I remember walking in and there was just this huge line of people waiting to say their goodbyes. I was doing pretty well at first and then all the sudden I saw my friend Molly and just lost it. I cried everyday for weeks after. I still cry sometimes.

This post isn't to tell you about how I felt but to tell you about Shelly. Shelly was one of the greatest people I knew. She always and I mean always had a smile on her face no matter what was happening in her life. Whenever I talked to her she always made me feel better. Her favorite thing was fireworks and things that were light up. She would always just get this huge smile on her face whenever there was fireworks or anything that would light up. We spend a lot of time together before she went to college out of state. We would always lay out at her pool and just talk about boys and what was going on in our lives. She was someone that you could just tell really cared about you. She always put others first. Shelly was deeply rooted in her faith and it definitely showed whenever you talked to her. I miss the days of dancing to random songs and just have heart to hearts with her I know that she is in a better place. Everyday there is always something that reminds me of her that's how I know that she is up in heaven looking down on me. Still watching over me and caring for me. My hope is that I can be like Shelly one day. I hope to just always smile and to just put others before myself because that's the way it should be. Life is short we never know when our time is coming. So, wouldn't you rather just smile and forget about your worries than to be angry and worried about every little thing?

Happy Birthday Molly!

Today is one of my very best friend's birthday. Well that is if I can get all of this typed and posted by midnight. Mine and Molly's friendship is special. Most people would never think that we are as close as we are because well we are opposites but Molly has been through a lot with me. Whether it was boys or falling on the ground at CIY crying Molly was always there. Not to say that our friendship has not has it's ups and downs but we got through all of them. Molly is such a caring person who will do anything for the people that she loves. She has always been there for me even when I have done stupid things. She has always been someone who I can completely trust and rely on. I don 't really think that there is anything about me that Molly doesn't know. She has a huge heart and I love and admire that about her. She is just such a great person. When our friend Shelly passed away we got through it together. She can always tell when something is wrong with me. She has been there for me through boyfriends and break ups. She even brought me a milkshake when I was sick and my boyfriend at the time would not bring me one. That's the kind of person Molly is. She would drop everything for the people that she loves. I know that a lot of this sounds like what most people would say about their friends especially on their birthday to make them feel special but this is no lie. Molly is a very caring person. Heck she always lets me sleep in her nice comfy bed when I spend the night. We have been on many CIYs together and have cried a lot together. She will sit with me on the floor at CIY when I am balling my eyes out. She will let me cry into her pillow and get mascara all over her pillow and doesn't care that it won't come out because that's a memory that me and her share. We have had so many great memories to singing and dancing in your room to balling our eyes out as we went on our last CIY together. Molly you have been there for me through so much. I love you! I really hope that you have a WONDERFUL birthday because you deserve it!

Not the same

I am turning 21 on Sunday. I am so excited for this birthday! However, I started today I began to realize that 21 is a big number. When you turn 21 you are supposed to share it with all of your friends and have a good time. You are supposed to spend time with your family as well. As I was washing dishes today I looked at a picture of my grandparents that my mom has sitting on the ledge in front of the sink. I started to think about all the great times that I had with my grandparents when they were still with me. I remember running around in their house and staying the night when my parents went on vacation or just needed a night to themselves. They were always there for my birthdays and most summers we would spend out on their lake by their house. I started to think about how they weren't going to be able to make it to this birthday because they aren't with us anymore. The more I started to think about the more upset I got this. This is supposed to be a big birthday for me and I can't even share it with the two people that helped raised me and had a part in who I am today.

As my mind began to wonder even more I realized that one of my best friends that passed away at the beginning of the school year won't be able to share my birthday with me. This is what really hit me. Me, her, and another one of my friends would always talk about when we turned 21 and how great it was going to be especially when I turned 21 because I was the last one to turn 21. Now sitting here thinking about it makes me teary eyed. My birthday won't be the same without her. Of course my mind started to wonder even further and I started thinking about other important things in my life that I would love to share with these people but can't. When I get married my grandparents won't be able to see me walk down the isle. My friend won't be able to be a bride maid in my wedding. There are just so many things that they are going to miss and I hate that I can't share these big dates in my life. I can't share what would be important dates to my friend with her because she doesn't get the chance to have those dates. My 21st and my wedding won't be the same without these people here sharing it with me.

If I have learned one thing this year is don't ever take your friends and your family for granted. Tell them you love each and everyday. If you are fighting be the one to make it okay because you never know if they will be there tomorrow or if they will be able to make it to those important dates. So live life to the fullest make mistakes but learn from them. Love on everyone that comes into your life. If you have enemies forgive them. If you want to talk to someone do it don't wait until the next day or week. You never know who will be here for those important dates in your life.

acceptance

What would do to be accepted? It's a question that we have all heard. But have you really ever stopped and really thought about it? We always hear the question, would you jump off a cliff if your friends did it. I think that full meaning of this question is not really if your friends did something stupid would you do. I believe that it is more would you do something stupid in order to feel accepted. Maybe everyone else has already figured that one out and I am just a little slow but I think that it is a good question to asks. Most people would probably answer I wouldn't do anything I really didn't want to do, but how do you know that for sure. I feel like a lot of times we answers questions that we truly do not know the answer to unless we are put in that exact situation. Yeah we have the answer that we hope we would do but in the end we don't really know for sure.

If you think about you have probably done a lot of things that you never thought you would do in order to feel accepted. I am sure at some point in your life you treated someone badly because that's what the "in-crowd" was doing and you wanted to be a part of that crowd so you did it too even though you knew it was wrong. You would think that as you got older you would start to care less about what other think about you and you would not feel as though you always needed to be accepted, but I think as we get older we want to be accepted even more than when we were younger. We are influenced by so many different things. Every commercial you see on tv influences you. The media is constantly telling how to look, act, and wear if we wanted to be accepted in the society that we live in. We buy into it too. I know that so many times I have looked at different pictures and thought if I could just have this or that then I would be accepted and happy, but I have learned that is the totally wrong way to think.

Just because you look a certain way, dress a certain way, or act a certain way does not mean that you are automatically going to be accepted. People are so concerned with being accepted that they lose sight of who they once were. They turned into the people that they never thought they would turn into. They are doing things that they said they would never do. It just is so crazy to me think about what people do to be accepted. I know that I fall into this category too that I will do certain things just to feel accepted. I guess at the end of the day though we all have to asks ourselves if being accepted is worth giving up who we truly are? I don't think it is but then again when put in the situation of wanting to be accepted it is hard to remember that. So I believe that sometimes being accepted wins out and that's not how it should be. We should be true to ourselves and not care what other people really think because what do they really know if you are happy that's all that matters.

traveling

I just got back a week ago from a much needed vacation. While on this vacation I had a lot of time to just think,relax, and spend time with family. I did a lot of thinking because well I couldn't use my phone and there was no internet so what else was I supposed to do. I'm just kidding I love vacations because they give me so much time to think. I just finished my sophomore year of college and honestly it is so hard for me to believe that I am already halfway done with my college career. I don't feel like I am ready to go out into the real world in two years. It is just very scary for me to think about. Anyways I realized on vacation and pretty much the past few weeks who I really am and where I want my life to go.

This year has not been easy but I have made it through it. I think that there is a reason it was so hard. I think it was for me to realize that I can make through tough times I just have to have faith. I have truly learned how strong I am. I am also starting to realize that I am not one to want to really stay in one place very long. I love to travel and I realized this on my vacation. I was so excited when I got on the plane and the coolest feeling ever is when you take off you get this feeling in your stomach that is hard to describe but I get so excited every time. I sit and I wonder what this trip is going to bring. What new and interesting things am I going to see? What kind of new people am I going to meet? I just love everything about travel. It just gives you so many new experiences and it just makes you open your eyes to things that you have not seen before.

With all this being said I realized that I am a very on the go type person. I always want to be doing something or going somewhere if I'm not then I have feel like I am just wasting my time. I want to travel all over the world the only problem is that I don't have money to do that. I want to go to different countries and help out in any way I can. I really want to work for TOMS but I realized that if I don't get that job I would love a job that I could travel and see different parts of the world because honestly other countries and different cultures interest me so much. I can't wait to see what the future has in store for me. I'm sure whatever it is will be great.

Ending Sophomore year

I didn't know if I would have time to write this the day before I go home like I did last year because well I have finals and unlike last year they are going to be hard. Anyways as I sit at my desk for one of the last times and I type one of my last blogs as a sophomore it is all so surreal. I can't believe that I am almost finished with my second year of college. I feel like it was just the other day that I was walking across that stage in my high school gym to receive my diploma and now I am sitting here my room almost completely empty getting ready to complete my sophomore year. As I have said before a lot has happened this year. I feel each year I learn something new. This year I learned that life isn't always so easy. Yes I have been faced with hardships before in my life but none like I had to go through this year.

School this whole year was just hard altogether. First semester there was just so much work I would have to get done in a week and on top of that I have was having issues with some of my friends. I wasn't sure what to do most days. Most days I would come back from classes and do homework and being completely stressed all the time. There was not one day first semester that at the end of the day I wasn't worn out and was ready for bed in hopes that the next day would be better. Now I'm not saying that first semester was completely terrible and that I didn't have a few good days because I did they were just rare and when I did have them I definitely cherished them. It just felt like most days were never ending. So when winter break came around I was so excited. I went home and just had time to relax. When it was time to come back I was not ready because a part of me thought that second semester would be just like first semester. I however convinced myself that it would be better no matter what because there were a lot of good things going on in my life and I was going to become an aunt. Boy was I wrong second semester was not as bad as first semester but just little things would pop up and would be very frustrating. Most of my days were good for the most part. There were so days that I wondered if they would ever end. I joined a sorority second semester and do not regret it one bit. They are changing my life.

This year was definitely hard but it has once again taught me something. It has taught me that things that you believe in are going to be tested. You are going to have those moments when all you want to do is throw in the towel and say that I'm done. However, I learned that if you push through all these hard times that end result is so great. Yes, it was a hard year but I learned so much from this year. I have learned a lot more about myself. Who I am and where my life is going. I learned that even when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel it's there just waiting on me to realize that it is there.

Life isn't about all the good times. It about the bad times too. It's about the hard times and getting through those hard times that truly makes you who you are. I know that with the bad things that happen in my life I learn from them and I also learn a little bit more about myself. So while this year was hard and I can't wait for a summer with my friends. I learned a lot about myself. How much I can handle and where my life is going from this point.

Frustrated

Lately I have been very frustrated. The thing is I could not tell you why. I don't know if it is the stress of school almost being over and me freaking out about studying for finals and packing to go home and to go on vacation. I just have been very annoyed with everything lately. Every little thing has been making me really upset. It could be the littlest thing and it will just set me off and I hate it. I hate that I feel like this right now and I have tried to change my attitude but I just feel as though I can't and well to be honest it sucks. I am usually not a very frustrated person I usually don't let things get to me. I kind of just let them go in hopes that things will get better and most of the time they do. However, this time is different I don't know what it is about this time that I am so frustrated with but I am so over this attitude. I really want to have a good last week of my sophomore of college because I know it is something that I cannot get back. Nothing else has seemed to work so I decided to blog about it to see if that would help get some of my frustration out of me and on to a computer. A friend once told me that I needed to start writing because I can't just keep everything inside of me because it will eventually all just build up and I will just have one big break down and I definitely did not want this. So, I took his advice and I started to write in a journal. I would write about everything most of the time it was when I was really upset and needed to get everything out of me. Writing definitely has helped a lot when I am frustrated and upset or I don't know where to go. I think that is one of the reasons that I started to write a blog. I got tired of writing on paper and I thought hey wouldn't a blog be a good idea to start. I had always loved to read other people's blogs but I never thought I would start my own blog but look at me now I have a blog now and I blog about life and just different thoughts that I have.

Today's blog may not be as happy or uplifting as others but I haven't felt very happy lately. This week has been very stressful just trying to figure everything out that is going on in my life. It has been a week where I have just really reflected on this year. As I have said before this year has been different than any other year that I have ever been through. It was definitely worth all the pain and hurt that I had to go through to get to where I am today. However, where I am today is not where I want to be. I am restless. I want to get up and just go. I don't like staying in one place for very long. Especially when I know summer is just right around the corner. I am person who loves to be on the go. I love to travel. If I get the chance to go somewhere and I don't have anything else to do then I just go just to go. Abby and I definitely did a lot of traveling last summer. I think that is why we are so close sometimes. We don't like to just sit around we want to be up going somewhere or doing something. We just want to always be going somewhere. I guess I feel like if I am not going anywhere that my life is kind of useless. I am always up for an adventure. I always want to try new things and look for new places to travel to. I think that is why I am so excited to go on vacation because well first it gets me out of Indiana but it also is something new. I have been on cruises before but this is a different cruise it's smaller and it is not like any other vacation that I have been on. I am also going with people that I have not been on vacation with in a really long time. I know that a vacation will definitely relax me but I want to feel a little bit less stressed right now so that is why I am writing. I am just frustrated with life. I am upset that I could have done so much this year and I didn't. I am really frustrated that I am still allergic to bees. I know kind of random but I had to go get my allergy shot today and I reacted which is just so upsetting. I have been getting allergy shots since I was seven years old and I thought by this point in my life bees would not be a part of my life that I would have to worry about but they definitely still are. I know this blog is a bunch of me complaining and I would love to tell you that I don't complain a lot but that would be lie because I do complain a lot. Asks my sisters they will tell you. It's definitely something that I hate and I have been trying for many years to work on. I don't know what it is about complaining because in the end it gets me know where and most of the time it doesn't make me feel better. Anyways I feel a little bit better and I'm sure as the day goes on I will start to relax a little. I know that this blog was not very good especially because I complained a lot but thanks for listening.

Coming to a close...

Second Semester of my sophomore almost over!? Say what? Can't believe that I have two more weeks of my sophomore year left. I feel like it was just the other day that I was moving into my dorm freshmen. Feeling very scared not knowing how I would do at college or even if I would like it. It's been over a year since that day. It's so crazy to think about. I went home this weekend for Easter. It was definitely good to be home but it was hard to come back to school knowing that in two weeks I would back at home for the summer. It also made me think about a lot of things that have been going on in my life lately. Where my life is at this point in time. I realized that this summer I turn 21. While I am so excited about this birthday it just makes me really think about what I have done with my life up until this point. 21 is kind of a big number. I freaked out when I turned 20 because to that was such a big number and now I have to add one more to that number. I am not sure how to feel about this. Lately I feel like I have not really been living my life but I have just let it pass by and I have just watched it. It's so weird to try and explain this feeling but I feel as though I just see me doing all this stuff and I don't know why I am doing it or I can't stop myself from doing it.

I decided to read some of my old posts to see if they could help me at all and of course they did. They reminded me of a lot of things. I read one about my birthday and weekend and what someone told me. They told me on my 20th birthday that the next ten years are really going to change who you are. Whoa! This is crazy but so so true. Just think about it. It hasn't even been a year yet and I feel as though I have already changed. I can't imagine what the next nine years hold.

This year has definitely been hard. There has been a lot of sadness, heartbreak, and just plain rough times. It has made an impact on my life. When I look back on my year there is probably a lot that I should regret but as I sit here and I think about what I should regret I have to say to myself is it really worth regretting. What is regretting something really going to do for me? It's not going to make that point in time go away. It's not going to make me feel any better. In fact it is going to make me feel worse. It is like this big weight that I just have to carry around. Yes, this year was hard and yes I did things that I should regret but I also learned something I can't sit around here regretting things and living in the past because where is that going to get me. I'll tell you where that gets me it's gets me right back to where I started. It doesn't let me go anywhere because if I keep regretting things I keep going back to things wonder what I could have done differently. So then I go running back to those things just to make the same mistake again. So this I have learned to let things go don't hold onto the past because in the end it is just going to get right back to where you started and that is some place that I don't want to be.

I want to keep moving forward with my life. I am almost 21 years old. I still have so much more to live for and I don't want to miss a moment of my life because I am too busy living in the past. Trying to figure out what I could have done differently. I am tired of living as a part of the audience of my life. I am ready to take hold of my life and be the shining star. So as look back on my year I say goodbye to the past and hello to a bright future that will probably have more regrets in it but I am not going to let them get to me anymore.

Happy Birthday Abby Neal!

Today is Abby's 20th birthday! Abby is one of my very best friends. We have known each other since middle school and to be completely honest I don't know where I would be without her in my life. Abby and I have a very awesome friendship. We have the type of friendship where we tell each other how it is and we don't care if the other one gets made. We tell each other the truth even when we know that it is going to hurt. Abby has been there for me through thick and thin. She went with me this year to say goodbye to a friend. Yes she knew the girl who passed away but she also knew that I couldn't get through it without her. She is such an awesome person. We have always been there for each other. Our senior year of high school we went on a cruise with my family and I am so happy that she could go with me because it was probably one of the best spring breaks ever. She has been there when guys have broken my heart. She has also told me many times when I have been stupid for liking a boy or if I kept going back to a boy she told me that I was stupid and I needed to be done. I would not change a thing about our friendship. So Abby Happy Birthday! I hope that it was a FANTASTIC birthday! I hope that our friendship keeps getting better and better. I hope that we will celebrate many more birthdays together. I also hope we grow up and move away that we will go and see each other. Also you can come visit me and see my children who will call you aunt Abby. Love you girl!

Summer

Yes I know that it is not summer yet, but it is so close to being here. I am so excited for summer! It is going to be such a great time but as the semester nears the end it makes really stop and think about the year that I have had. Have I accomplished the things that I have wanted to? Am I where I want to be in life? Was this year what I thought it was going to be? How did this year go? All these questions have been running through my mind. That and the fact that I am almost done with my second year of college. It feels like I was just going into high school and now you are telling me that I am almost half way done with my college career. I'm not sure how to feel about this after all when college is done it is time to be a grown up and be on my own. YIKES!

As I look at this school year as a whole. It has been okay I guess. Am I where I want to be I guess you could say that. It was definitely a different year. I experienced things that I never thought I would. I joined a sorority which is definitely a plus and is definitely making me the person that I am. However, this year has been a lot harder than I ever thought it would be. There always seemed to be something going on and I probably made things a lot bigger deal than they needed to be. This year was definitely different. I struggled a lot this year with a lot of different things. During the fall I was just done with everything. I was frustrated with everything because me being the drama queen that I am thought that nothing was going my way. My friend passed away and then my best friends from last year and I were not as close as we used to be and I felt like we were never going to be close again. However, a short Christmas break and some talks with some people made me realize that my life isn't as bad as I thought it was. Yes, I had some hard times but I got through them and that's what really counts.

I realized this year that it's not about all the bad times in your life. It's about the fact that you made it through them. You hear people all the time complaining about their lives and everything that is going wrong in it. Believe me I do it too, but have you ever really stopped and really looked at your life at the people that are in your life. The people that are constantly forming you into the person that you are today or are just looking at the situations that you have been put in. Yes, you are going to be put in hard situations and yes sometimes it seems as if there is no light at the end of the tunnel but believe me the people that are put into your lives are there for a reason. They are there to tell you when you are being stupid. They are there when a stupid boy breaks your heart (or if a girl breaks your heart). They are there when someone has passed away in your family. They are there if you need a good laugh. Just remember that no matter what someone is always going to be there for you. You may feel alone at times but just look at all the people that have your back because believe it or not there are more people than you think.

I know that I just gained a whole lot more this year after joining Phi Mu. I know that no matter what my sisters will be there for me when I need them the most. They have already proven it to me. One of the deciding factors that made chose Phi Mu was when my grandma passed away I got a text from one of my friends telling me that the Phi Mu girls were thinking about my family and me on that day. That just blew me away. Most of these girls didn't even know me and they still were there for me. So yes this year may have been hard at times but as I look back on it I am so thankful for this year because it has made me who I am right now and I love who I am right now. Yes I have some things that I need to work on and I am working on those things. I'm not prefect and I know that I never will be. I also know that life is never going to be prefect. We are going to be thrown curve balls but we just have to hit them out of the park and go on with life know that moment in life helped us become who we are.

One Day Without Shoes

Today was TOMS Shoes day without shoes. It was so awesome to see everyone that participated in it. TOMS shoes if you didn't know is obviously a shoe company for every pair you purchase TOMS will give a pair of new shoes to a child in need. I first heard about TOMS through my sister at that point I was a little interested but I was just in high school and really didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. Then last year during my freshmen year of college Blake Mycoski,the founder of TOMS, came and spoke at Ball State. After hearing him talking and him saying that they had internships available I was immediately on board. That was and is my dream job. I want so badly to work for TOMS. Their movement is so awesome. They give shoes to children that can't afford them and because they can't afford shoes they can't go to school. I can't even imagine how hard that would be.

Today however I got a small taste of what they go through. I went barefoot today. I really didn't know if I wanted to do it or not. I like to be clean so for me to walk around campus with no shoes really grossed me out at first but as I thought about it I realized that it's not about me. It is for the children who can't afford shoes that have to walk through way worse conditions than I did today. That is what made me finally decided for sure that I was going barefoot. It was for the children that I hopefully will meet one day! These children have to walk EVERYDAY with no shoes their feet get so dirty and they are very pron to get diseases while walking around. This really pulls at my heart. I really wish that I could know what these children really go through. I only got a taste today and it was definitely hard at first but as the day went on I got more and more used to it. At the end of the day however I don't think that I could do it everyday. My feet hurt and were so dirty by the end the day. My whole body felt gross so I can't even imagine what these children feel like. I love children they have a special place in my heart. So when children on in trouble or need help my heart feels for them and I want to do something for them. This is why I decided to try and get a job at TOMS.

I really want to be a part of the TOMS team someday. I want so badly to go on a shoe drop. I can't even imagine what it would be like to put shoes on children feet so they can go to school and they don't have to worry about getting diseases. I hope and pray that someday I will get to meet these children and put shoes on their feet with the rest of TOMS team. For now I am doing everything possible to help these children and you should to. TOMS are way cute shoes and you should definitely look into getting a pair and find more out about the movement at www.toms.com. check it out and if you feel so inclined buy a shoe, have an event, or just give money because it is definitely going towards a great cause!

LIfe Changes

My sophomore year is coming to a close. I am not really sure how to feel about this especially since it means I am one step closer to becoming an adult. This year has been full of many testing times. I have tried my hardest to get through all of these tests but they are sometimes very difficult to get through. I have heard that sophomore year is the hardest but I never really believe it. However, after the year that I have had I totally believe that sophomore year is the hardest to get through. There have been times where I just want to give up and throw in the towel.

This year definitely did not start how I wanted it to. It started with having to say goodbye to a friend. I can still remember when my mom came into my room while I was packing up to school telling me that my friend was killed in a car accident. This was definitely not the way I thought my school year would start. I still packed up everything to head up to school only having to come home two days later to say my final good bye to a great friend.Once returning to school classes became overwhelming and friendships started to fall apart. I tried to be strong and power through it all but I just felt like I couldn't power through. Christmas break came around and I couldn't have been more excited. Over Christmas break however I learned that my grandma wasn't doing so well. Yet another bump in the road but once again I thought I could power through it especially since I decided that I was going to rush.

I came back from Christmas break and found a sorority that I fell in love with. Once again another bump in the road, my grandma was not doing well and I had to go home. While I was at home she passed away. I knew that it was for the best but it was so hard to see my mom upset. My mom is someone who has always been there for me so for me to her upset killed me. My mom is a great person and I can't even imagine my life without her. She has provided for me and she has always supported me no matter what.

While at home I got a bid from Phi Mu, the sorority that I fell in with. I was so happy this was definitely a high point in this year. When I got back I got to know more of the girls and fell more in love with Phi Mu. As the semester went on things started to look up. Especially with getting a big sis and with initiation. The best thing that has happened to me this semester though is becoming an aunt. I love being an aunt.

Being an aunt is so great. It just sucks that I can't be home to see him and hold him like the rest of my family has. This has definitely been getting to me more than I have realized. I feel as I am failing as an aunt because I am not there to see my nephew. I feel like I am missing him growing up. I know that Ball State is where I need to be but at the same time I just want to run home and not come back. After the this year I have been so tempted to just go home and not come back. There has been so much going on but I realized lately that sometimes all you can do is power through everything and keep my head up. With everything that has happened this year. I have learned that I have to stay positive and no matter what happens to know that I will get though it.

People and Kason Asher

Have you ever had those people who come into your life and you feel like you have known them your whole life? I have felt this a lot recently. I recent joined a sorority and I know that people have their opinions about sororities. I think that if people really took the time and really looked at sororities not just the surface but deeper down they would realize that sororities are not so bad.

Anyways, I was initiated on Saturday and I was so excited! I finally would call the girls that I have gotten to know the past 8 weeks my sisters. We were all going to be one big family. I have loved every minute of being in a sorority. Yes, at times i feel as though I am going to go crazy because of everything I have had to but in the end it will be worth it. It so weird to say this but the girls that I have gotten to know in my sorority I feel as though I have known them my whole life. They are great. I was so blessed to get a GREAT big. She is always there for me and wants to be the best big that she can be. I just hope that I am a good little. The relationships that I have formed will last a lifetime.

I recently became an aunt. Maybe the best day of my life! It was such a great feeling to become an aunt. I never thought that it would feel the way it did. Words cannot describe how I felt that day. Little Kason is so cute and I can honestly say that I love him so much. I never thought I could love someone so fast but I sure love that little guy. I just hope that I can be good aunt and role model because he definitely deserves the best in life. I haven't gotten to spend much time with Kason with school and everything else but I am so excited for the next time I see him. Some days I just want to pack everything up and go home just to see him. He is going to be such a great guy and he has two amazing parents who are going to teach him so many great things. I cannot wait until I can go home again and hold him in my arms because it might be one of the greatest feelings ever!

letting go

Today I went shopping with my mom. As you know I love shopping and most of the time ti can make my day so much better. I know I am what some people call a shopaholic. Ever since I can remember I have loved to go shopping. Most of the time I come home with lots of new things. However, recently I have become a lot more picky and I barely come home with anything. Today was one of those days where I came home with barely nothing. This made me start to think about why I wasn't finding as many things as I used to. Am I growing up? I am just that picky and no one has what I really want? Or have I realized that there are other things in life that are more important than clothes?

I came to the conclusion that it is a mixture of all of these things. I have noticed lately that my style has begun to change and I have started wanting more grown up things. Which is weird for me to say because I really am scared of growing up because I don't know what the future holds for me. I don't know where I will be after I graduate college. I know where I want to be and what I want to be doing but sometimes I wonder if I am dreaming too big. I sometimes have to stop and asks myself if my dreams are really possible. Is it really possible for me to work for TOMS shoes. Lately, I have realized that my dreams aren't all that big. Yes, I will admit that they are big but isn't that we are always taught. That we need to dream big and go for our dreams. I would hate to look back on my life and regret not going after my dreams because I thought they were too big. I have also looked at TOMS shoes a lot more lately their website who they really are and I get so excited about what they are doing and I want so badly to be a part of what they are doing. I know that this means that I will have to grow and let college go eventually. That I will have to let go of the stupid little things that don't matter.

As started to think about letting go of things more things filled my mind. Have you ever held on to something because you thought that it was what was best for you? I am definitely one of those people especially when it comes to my friends. I want so badly to help people and to be friends with people. It is hard for me to let friends go when they hurt me or they don't care about me like I care about them. I don't know what is but my heart is so big and I just care about people so much that when they don't care about me I try even harder for them to care about me and in the end it just ends up getting me hurt. I figured out today that there are just some friendships that I have to let go and stop worrying about because those people may eventually care one day but right now they don't and nothing I do is going to get them to care. So why should I waste my time worrying about them when in the end it just hurts me. Now I am not going to stop caring for these people I am just done trying so hard to get their approval.

People are going to come and go in my life but the important ones will stick around. I have realized lately that there is so much more to my life than just clothes and friends. I have school and family and my sorority and all of the girls that are in that sorority are so important to me. I also have my future and that is the most important thing right now. It is important for me to work at school so in the future I can get the job that I want and I know that if I work on the little things then everything else will fall into place. Another important thing in my life right now is becoming an aunt. I have been home for spring break because I have been waiting for my little nephew to come and as of right now he still isn't here.Yes I am very frustrated with the whole situation right now but I already love that little guy and really just want to hold him and tell him and the rest of the world that I am going to try and be the best aunt that I can be. I know that was a lot but a lot has been going on in my head I guess that's what happens when you come home for spring break and have nothing else to do

werid mood

Have you ever been in a mood and you aren't really sure how to explain it? Have you ever just wanted to stop feeling a certain way but just can't? This has been me for the past couple of weeks. I don't know what it has been. I thought it was stress but now I am on break and still kind feel a certain way. It's only a day into break and I know that this break will be very relaxing. I just hate that I feel this way.

It is just this feeling of what my future holds and what is coming next. And well I don't know the answers to these questions and it sometimes freaks me out. I don't know where my life is going right now. I don't where I will be in the next few years. Who my really close friends will be. It's just crazy to think about. That in a few years my life could be completely different.

I hope that my closest friends don't change that much because I love all of my friends right now so much. I really hope that I will get closer to my sisters because I just love them! I know that they will be in a part of the rest of my life and I am so excited about that! But anyways I just really need this weird mood to go away and I thought blogging would help it. I know that this blog is kind of all over the place but that is how I have been for the past couple weeks.

Goodbye past

This past week has been a great week for me to just reflect on my life. I have realized so much. I realized that I let the past rule my life in a lot of areas. I let what happened in the past haunt me and scare me.

After realizing this I decided to be done with the past. There is just too much that is going on right now that is so great and I am missing it because I am stuck in the past. I let past relationships get the best of me. I am scared to get into a relationship because of how all of my other relationships have turned out. I know that this is not the way to live. I have held grudges for too long. I have stayed mad at people for stupid reasons. I have judged people and therefore I never give them a chance. This is a big issue for me.

I have realized that I can't judge people. I am not better than they are so what gives me the right to judge them. I have also realized that I have judged and gossiped about people in order to make myself feel better. I hate to admit it but in the end that is what it all comes down to. I need to stop acting like that. I need to stop doing things just to make myself feel better. Because in the end I end up hurting people or hurting myself.

I also care way too much sometimes. Which you would think would be a good thing but it's not. I care way too much what other people think of me. Which I hate and is something that I am working on. I also sometimes care way too much for people in my life. I care so much some people and they could care less about me. It's hard for me to not care about the people in that are in my life. The problem that I run into is that the people that don't care about me end up hurting me the most. Now I am not saying that I am going to stop caring but there are just going to have to be times where I have to accept that people aren't going to change and that they are not going to care.

The final thing in my life that I am trying so hard accept is that people aren't always going to leave. In the past people always seem to come into life and then leave. I feel like people that I really care about are just going to get up and walk away and it scares me because those are the people that I want in my life the most. Lately I have been reminded that not everyone is going to leave and the ones that really care about me are going to stay. They are going to check on my when things in my life aren't going great. They are the ones that will always be there and want to hang out with me when they have nothing else to do.

It's time to forget the past and the things that I don't want to be. Now I am not saying that I am going to be a totally different person but it is time for a change. It is time to look towards the future and stop living in the past.

missing

Do you ever miss something so much that you wish that there was some way that you could get it back but you can't because you don't know what you did in the first place to lose it? That's how I have been feeling lately. I feel like I have lost a lot of things in my life whether they be people or just things that make me feel better. At this point in my life I wish that I had those things that I have lost.

People have come and gone in my life but I never realized how much I would miss them until that point when I really needed them. I have felt as if I have just let people walk out of my life and I haven't put up a fight at all. I have just let them go and now is the time when I need them most. The times where I am feeling down and the times where I am sick and just need a good laugh. The problem is I don't know what I did to lose them. I don't know if we grew apart or if they got tired of me but for some reason they just walked out of my life and I never really questioned it. But now is the time when I need them the most and I don't have them and I miss them...

Crossroads

I feel as though my life is at a crossroads. There are so many things that are going on in my life right now. Some things that I am very excited about and other things that I am not sure how to feel about. There are also many things in my life that could be great but I am trying to be patient and see where God takes those things.

Do you ever feel that way about your life? That you are at a crossroads and you are just waiting for God to pick how it is going to go. I guess you could also pick how it is going to go but I would rather leave it up to God. My life right now is not a hot mess but I would not say that I have everything together. I started this semester with not the highest hopes. However, when the first day of classes was done I felt really good about the semester and as it continues I feel better and better about it. I don't dread going to any of my classes.

I feel as though crossroads could change your life. I definitely think that things are about to change but they are definitely going to be for the better. With the passing of my grandma I have realized how important life is. How short it really is. At the service today the preacher said to live everyday like it is you last because eventually you will be right. That hit me hard. I have always thought about living everyday to the fullest because you never know when it is going to be your last. I guess that I never really thought that one of these days it is going to be my last. I want to do so much with my life. I don't want to just sit around and do nothing I want to leave a mark on this world. At the Passion conference one of the speakers said that we are writing our eulogy. Everyday that you are alive you are doing the things that people are going to say about you at your funeral. I don't know but I want the people at my funeral to say great things about me and not say that all she did was work her life away. I want them to say she was an influence on my life. I want to make a difference in this world.

One of these differences is working for TOMS shoes. I know that it is a big dream but it would be such a great opportunity. A lot of times I wonder if I am going into the right major because you hear that people in marketing and the fashion world just tell people what is wrong with them and I definitely do not want to be one of those people. Fashion is definitely a big part of my life. Working for TOMS shoe would definitely be working in the fashion world while helping children in other countries. I love what TOMS shoes does and I would love to be a part of that.

I am definitely at a crossroads in my life but I am definitely looking forward to what the future holds. I know that these changes that are about to come in my life are going to be great.

Hot Mess

I'm not really sure what this blog is going to be about, but these past couple of days have been rough and I felt the need to blog. I felt like there was so much going on in my mind that I had to get it out or I was going to lose a lot of sleep over it. Have you ever had those times in your life where there is just so much on your mind that you just wish you could sort it all out but your mind is going a lot faster than you can process. That's how my mind has been for the past couple of days. Early Monday morning my grandma passed away. I was so thankful that I was able to go home and say goodbye to her before she passed. It was definitely not easy to say goodbye to her. After all she has taught me so many things in my life. This got me to thinking about how much we actually learn from our families and the people around us.

You are influence everyday by so many different people and things. The person that you are today is because of the people that have been in your life. Even if it were for a short period of time. The people that influence you the most are the people that stay in you life for the longest time like your family. I know that some people don't really like their families or their families just don't get along but think about where you would be if they were not in your life. You would be a totally and completely different person. Isn't that crazy to think about that people can have that much of an impact on your life. The person that you are right now is because of the people that are in your life right now or the people that have been in your life. It makes you wonder how much of you is really just you and no one else. The words that you use are influenced by people as well. You might say things because you heard your friend say it so many times that it finally just got stuck in your head and you started to use it.

This whole impacting people's lives made me wonder how am I impact people's lives. Am I impacting their lives to make them better or am I pulling them down? Am I teaching people things that will make them chase after their dreams and not to give up hope when things seem to be bad? I wonder how I am impacting people's lives. I hope that I am impacting people's lives for the better. I hope that I am not bringing people down but instead lifting them up.

There are so many people in this world and wouldn't it be so cool if you could just impact one person's life for the better. If you could just love on them and let them know that you are there for them and teach them the things that they need to know and that they would listen to you and look up to you. Now I know that it seems like a simple task but in today's society it seems to me that people are more invested in themselves than other people. I am not saying that I am this selfless person because I am definitely not. I have my selfish moments. They tend to happen more than I would like but how cool would it be to take all those selfish moments and turn them into moments where you are investing in another person. Someone that you truly care about and someone that will care about you back. This is the type of aunt I want to be when my little nephew comes along. I want to be an aunt that he can come to and tell me things about his life not just the things that happened at school that day but to tell me what is going on in his life. I want to truly be invested in his life and to make an impact in his life. I want him to look back and say I learned a lot from my aunt just like I look back now and see how much I have learned from my grandma.

Back To School

Today was the first day of classes. It is crazy to think that winter break is already over and I am starting my second semester of my sophomore year. I cannot believe how fast it is all going. Today was not a bad day at all. I only had two classes and I was done by noon so that was so GREAT. Going into this semester I was hoping that it would be a lot easier than last semester because last semester was just not good and I do not think I can go through that again. Driving back to school yesterday was very interesting because I had a lot of time to think about things because I mean it was an hour and half drive by myself what else am I going to do. I was very nervous about coming back because when I left I was so happy to leave because I knew that winter break would hold three whole weeks of no stress and just relaxing. Winter break was just that but as I started to drive back I became worried that this semester was going to be just like last semester and that is something that I definitely did not want. I then thought to myself that this semester could not be as bad as last semester because so many different things happened last semester that I am determined to not let happen this semester even though somethings are out of my hands. I really want to try and prevent the things that I can.

As today started I got up and started to get ready to head to my first class I was some what nervous but not really because it is after all the first day of classes and all every teacher does is talk about the class. So I headed out to my first class not really worried about anything and just telling myself that I was going to just go with the flow and not let what the teachers say get me stressed out already. My classes went by fast and while one of my teachers did start to teach today it did not really stress me out. After finishing my classes I felt pretty good about the semester and I can definitely tell now that this semester will be a whole lot better than last semester. There are just so many different things about this semester. I am really not the same person I was last semester there are a lot of things that I am looking forward to. There are things that I cannot wait to see what happens. I am going to be an aunt which makes me very excited. It also makes me realize that soon I will have a little boy that will look up to me and I want to be the best aunt that I can be and not always be known as the aunt that is stressed out and too busy to spend anytime with their nephew. This semester holds a lot of potential and I cannot wait to see how it all plays out.

A New Year and New Beginnings

It's a new year and most people at the end of the year make new years resolutions that they usually do not end up keeping. So I do not really believe in making resolutions because why does it have to be at the end of the year that you make goals for yourself why can't you make goals for yourself everyday. 2010 was definitely a rough year for me. Not to say that it did not have it good times but as I was driving home from new years my friend and I were talking about everything that had happened in 2010 and how hard the semester was that we had just finished was. We said that this year was going to be different that this year was going to be a GREAT year..and you know what I truly believe that this year is going to be a GREAT year.

I was ready to say goodbye to 2010 because so many different things happened that I just wanted to forget about. In 2010 I did not feel like myself I felt like I was living my life as someone completely different. Someone that I really didn't know. I felt like I just kept watching myself do these things but I did not understand why I was doing them. I thought that maybe that the person that I was in 2010 was who I was going to be. This to me was a scary thing. I was not the person that I wanted to be and no matter how much I tried to fix it I felt like I was digging myself a deeper hole. It felt like everything I did was not right and that anything that I did would just make things worse. So when new years came I was very excited because I thought this is my chance to change things. I know that I said I don't really believe in resolutions and I will stand by that but January 1st I headed to Passion in Atlanta with 22,000 other college students.

Passion is what really changed me. I learned so much from Passion. It was one of the greatest conferences that I have ever been to. I learned that the God of the universe is praying for me. Me who has screwed up so many times. Me who has turned away from God so many different times because I thought at the time the other thing that I wanted to do was more important than God. I was feeding my appetite. I was thinking only about myself. I was thinking about what I could do to make myself look better to the world. I let the world tell me who I was and who I was going to be. I let my past define who I was. At Passion I learned that I could leave all that behind that I could be whoever I wanted to be and God would accept me. That even when the world turns it back on me I still have one person on my side. My faith is definitely still not at all where I want it to be but I know that it will take time and that in time I will be exactly who God wants me to be and he has great plans for me and I don't want to screw that up just because I want to be selfish. I want to glorify the God of the universe. I don't want my faith to be all about me. I don't want it to be me running to God every time I am in a bad situation and then forgetting about him when things are going great. I want to live everyday for him. I know that this won't be easy because of the world that we live in and the school that I go to but I am willing to do this because I want what is best for me.

So here is to 2011...it is going to be a GREAT year! I can just feel it. There are going to be a lot of changes in 2011. I will become an aunt. I will finish my second year of college. I will become who God wants me to be. All of these things will make 2011 a GREAT year no matter what else happens because I will have God on my side.